


Something Just Like This

by shadow_prince



Series: Something Just Like This [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Beach, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Author is an idiot, Bisexual Character, Demisexual Character, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Vacation, Fluff, Gay Character, I'm a walking disaster, M/M, Motivate me to finish this, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trans Character, Vacation, hella gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_prince/pseuds/shadow_prince
Summary: Remus Lupin likes the safety of the routine life he built for himself. He likes his job, he likes his little apartment with the plants he can never manage to keep alive, and he likes grading his papers at the local hipster-esque coffee shop down the street where he can blend into the crowd and surreptitiously steal glances at the unfairly attractive baker.Except one morning, there's no crowd to blend into when he's caught snickering at the web of well-meaning lies the other man walks face first into.(I'm super bad at summaries. It's a fake dating modern AU where Sirius has been telling Mrs. Potter he's dating someone for 9 months and she demands his "boyfriend" comes on their family vacation. Queue: shenanigans between wolfstar and jily as they lie their asses off.)





	1. Arrangement

**Author's Note:**

> I am a trash can of a human being (who is more often a trash can't) and this has been sitting partially finished and fully outlined in my folder for months. Please, for the love of merlin, give me validation in the form of comments so that I can finish it. ♥
> 
> Update 9/16/18: as of today there is only 1 chapter left! But for those of you just starting I thought I'd stick some tw's here as a just in case, and since nothing will happen in the last chapter that will have a tw. **Spoiler-ish I guess, so if you don't have TW concerns, SKIP THIS!**
> 
> There is mention of Sirius running away from home due to having an abusive family. Nothing graphic is described, it is just mentioned as a fact of his past. In a later chapter this a mention that he has scars from it. No description of how or why, just that he has them.
> 
> Remus has an anxiety attack. I have received so so so many incredible comments on that chapter that I hadn't anticipated, because of the way I wrote it. Readers have said they appreciate the way I wrote it because it wasn't how it is usually portrayed in media, but much quieter and more realistic to them. No readers who have anxiety have said they were triggered by it, but proceed with caution if that is something that affects you.
> 
> ENJOY! <3

arrangement |  \ ə-ˈrānj-mənt \ |  _noun_

_an informal agreement or settlement especially on personal, social, or political matters_

 

◆

 

It was mid-June and the weather was splendid, a gentle breeze coming through the open roll-top garage doors that lined one side of Remus' favorite coffee shop. Not enough to disturb the stack of papers he was furiously working through in order to submit end of term grades, but enough to keep the air from feeling stagnant and stifling, like it was wont to as the summer wore on.

Or rather, he should have still be furiously grading papers, but found himself distracted. Between the early morning birds chirping and the nice weather, he wished he was out enjoying a walk rather than being stuck working. At least, that's what he told himself was distracting him, even as he stared at the shop's baker who appeared to be slowly losing his mind.

"Of course I'll be there Mum... no, no one is coming with me." The man heaved a great sigh, running flour covered fingers through long, ink black hair, leaving behind white smudges.

"I'm not lonely, Mum, stop worrying about me so much."

Remus' lip twitched as he fought off a chuckle, thinking of all the times he'd had the same argument with his own mother. He wasn't lonely, thank you very much, and he didn't have time for anyone else, anyway. Most non-teachers didn't understand the strain and couldn't cope with the amount of work and baggage that he had to tote home everyday with him. It was exhausting explaining why he couldn't go out for drinks on a Tuesday night, and yes it would really take all night to grade 60 english lit essays, and no he wouldn't just assign random grades and call it good enough.

It didn't seem worth it to him to even bother trying anymore. Not to mention any of his other... _complications_ in finding someone.

"Uh huh, yeah, I _am_ dating someone. I just- I just don't feel like it's at that point in the relationship where I should bring them on a family outing, ya know?"

He could tell the man was grasping at straws, hands in the air gesturing wildly, although his mother on the phone had no way of seeing it. He guessed she probably knew though, considering he was animated in everything he did, from what Remus had seen of him.

"Oh. Nine months, yeah... I guess that sounds about right, huh." The man froze, arm falling limply at his side as he seemed to realize something. Remus barely caught the muttered "oh bugger," before watching as the poor guy banged his head repeatedly on the counter.

Still face down, with his other arm draped dramatically across the surface, Remus didn't bother hiding his grin at the poor man's distress. "No! Of course not, Effie, that's not it at all- how could I possibly be embarrassed of him meeting you?"

Righting himself, Remus wasn't quick enough to hide his smile or look away. Caught, the baker narrowed his eyes threateningly at him, refusing to let him off the hook. "Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm sure it'll be great." He finally broke eye contact to run his hand down his face in defeat. "Love you too."

As soon as he hung up his mobile, he zeroed back in on Remus, the only person in the shop this early. "Do you enjoy laughing at another man's pain?"

Although he should probably be worried by the threatening look directed his way, he couldn't help giving in to a sheepish smile. "Only when I've been in his shoes and am grateful it's not my mum having the conversation for once."

This seemed to be an adequate response, as the man's shoulders dropped in defeat. He hopped up on the counter, before swinging his legs to the other side, idly tapping them against the wood, his fingers drumming in thought.

He was quiet for long enough that Remus figured he should look away and maybe get back to these final exams that were not going to grade themselves by noon tomorrow. He only got through one though before interrupted again.

"How do you feel about gay guys?"

Startled by the question, Remus drew his eyebrows together in confusion, before remembering the earlier mention of introducing _him_ to his mother. "Well, I'm bisexual, so they're pretty alright."

The baker nodded, running his fingers through his hair again, the roots now more grey than black from the amount of flour he'd managed to transfer into it. Remus couldn't help but think it's a shame he's taken, although he isn't at all surprised. His long black hair framed sharp, angular features, bright grey eyes and a full lower lip currently trapped between his teeth.

Realizing he'd probably been staring at the other man's lip for a moment or two longer than he should have, Remus looked away, pretending to return to grading but not really seeing the paper in front of him. He didn't look up when boots hit the ground as the other man jumped off the counter, sauntering over and dropping into the seat across from him at the small cafe table.

"You're a teacher."

It wasn't a question, but Remus hums an affirmative anyway.

"So you don't work over the summer, yeah?"

Eyes darted up, but quickly back down to the paper in front of him. "That's right. After I submit final grades tomorrow, I'm finished until the fall semester starts up."

The other man hummed and Remus thought he should _really_ find a way to focus, because he'd been staring at this paper doing nothing for quite a while and was pretty sure the guy would realize he wasn't actually working and that would be rather embarrassing.

"Teachers are paid pretty shit."

"What, and bakers are better?" He can't help the defensive response from slipping out and feels his face heat up at the startled laugh elicited from the other.

Looking up, he saw those grey eyes studying him and blushed even more. He'd always hated that, how easily he flustered. Normally quick witted, intelligent even, and fluently sarcastic, but put him under a spotlight of attention from a pretty face and he couldn't seem to keep himself together.

"Was there something you needed?"

His eyes glanced down at the quirk of lips across from him before focusing back on his eyes and praying the other didn't notice.

"Yes, actually, there was." He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest and Remus couldn't help but notice how fit his arms were and please for the love of god, brain, focus. Those grey eyes were still locked on his, never straying from his face. Remus wasn't sure if he should be glad he seemed oblivious to his flustered glances and too long stares, or put off that he didn't appear to have any effect on the other man. "I will pay you to be my boyfriend for a family trip."

Remus must have looked as startled and skeptical as he felt, because the other man continued before he could even voice his question of _what the fuck._

"As I'm sure you deduced from eavesdropping on my conversation, my lovely adoptive mother is under the impression I have a boyfriend. And apparently I've been lying and saying that for nine months now, which she insists is more than enough time to invite along for our annual summer trip, and honestly I don't have a defense for that, which doesn't involve 'I lied and don't have a boyfriend'. Which all started because she's convinced I'm horribly lonely and wouldn't stop volunteering me for dates with every bent bloke she could find in a forty km radius." He finished with a charming smile, sprinkled with only a hint of desperation, and that was honestly the impressive part to Remus.

"How did you not realize it had been nine months?"

Apparently this question wasn't appreciated, because he promptly slammed his head back down onto the table and Remus' papers, letting out a strangled groan.

"I mean, after like, three, you say 'oh right I broke up with that bloke and started seeing someone new' and keep doing that and it's never serious enough for her to want to meet him."

"Yes, thank you for that stellar advice, now can I borrow your time machine so I can go back and do that and not be in this situation?" Lifting his head, his face was far too close to Remus' for absolute comfort. Remus held his breath but was just met with a deadpanned, "oh, wait."

"Touché," he muttered. "Also, you don't seem like the type to not have a boyfriend for nine months."

There was a flash of something across his face, and his eyes grew steely and cold. Remus quickly threw his hands up in surrender, "not- not like that! I just meant. Well. I mean, you're very obviously attractive so this doesn't seem like a problem I would expect you to have?"

His face relaxed and Remus breathed a sigh of relief. Leaning back and crossing his arms in a pout, the man studied him. "Teachers have to budget like nuts because you only get paid nine months out of the year. I know you can use the extra cash. Well, I don't know but I figure it couldn't hurt. You aren't against being seen with a bloke, so that's not the problem. Give me one reason."

"Well I don't know your name, for starters."

He pulled a face, clearly displeased with the answer, "please, random people fuck all the time without knowing someone's name."

Remus smiled, "ah, but we're not just fucking, are we? We're madly in love after nine months of slow burning romance." It was disturbing how attractive this guy was when he pouted. Disturbing and unfair.

"Sirius."

"Pardon?"

"My name is Sirius." He looked away, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. "Like the star."

"Well, Sirius like the star, my name's Remus," he paused, wondering if he was really going to say yes to this obviously insane idea. "And you're not wrong that I could use the money."

Sirius sat up, his face bright as a puppy who was told they were going to the park. "Really?"

"Really, I could use the money, but I didn't say yes." Remus chewed his lip nervously. "Tell me about this trip and what all this would entail."

Sirius leaned forward excitedly, "my parents own a vacation house, 'bout 8 hour drive from here. On the beach, has a boat, private community, all that jazz. So for the most part it would be a two week paid vacation for you to lay on the sand and catch some rays." For the first time since sitting down, his eyes trailed over Remus' body, "which you could use."

"Hey!"

"You would have to play the role, of course, of my lovely boyfriend. Casual touches, know facts about me, etcetera, etcetera. The only big thing is that this always coincides with a charity ball that my mum organizes, so we'll have to attend that one night. Besides that, smooth sailing."

He had the audacity to wink at his pun.

"You'd actually pay me to lay on a beach and do nothing for two weeks?" There clearly had to be some catch to this.

"Actually I'm paying you to pretend to date me. Let's say five thousand quid?"

"Five thousand?!" His mind swam, that was roughly _two months_ his usual salary. Every year over the summer he had to pick up tutoring jobs just to pay his bills, with barely enough left over to live off more than the two for a quid zucchini he found at a farmer's market.

Seemingly unaware of Remus' internal whirlwind, Sirius continued, "what, is that not fair? Two weeks you have to put up with me and my nonsense. Not to mention you haven't even met James yet..."

"James?"

"Oh, my brother. He and his wife come as well. Oh, gods, you'll love Lily, this is going to be terrible." Resting his elbow on his other arm, he taped his chin in thought. "Well, that's a problem for me, not you. And five thousand can go a long way to cover your expenses for the summer, yeah?"

Remus nodded mutely. He couldn't afford not to, and there was no chance an offer like this would ever again cross his path. He resolutely ignored the whisper in the back of his mind that it would give him the chance to get to know the baker better than the wistful weekend stares had allowed him to over the past year or so. Chewing his lip in thought, he decided he should at least add one qualifier. "No sex," he stated, not leaving it open to a question.

An unreadable mask slipped over Sirius' face, but Remus met his eyes resolutely. "No sex. So, unless you have any objections?" He rose to his feet. "Oh, do you own a tux?"

Pinned under that silvery gaze, already framed by laugh lines despite his young age, Remus took a deep breath as if diving off the deep end. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. When do we leave?"

Bright white, even teeth flashed in a blinding smile. "Day after tomorrow. On the road by 8, we'll pick you up." Grabbing a napkin and Remus' pen, he jotted down a phone number and laid it on the stack of papers, before leaning down to place a kiss on his cheek. It was fleeting, the barest brush of lips and clearly platonic affection, but was enough to send chills through Remus' body. "Text me your address. You won't regret it, Remus."

Remus watched him disappear back into the kitchen, to do whatever it was he should have been doing all along, and leaving Remus with new motivation to finish his own work, and feelings to sift through at a much later, undetermined time.


	2. Coalesce

coalesce | \ ˌkō-ə-ˈles \ |  _verb_

_to grow together, unite into a whole, or join for a common end_

 

◆

 

"So let me get this straight."

Sirius winced, but still muttered under his breath, "I'm not."

Lily choked on her wine, while James either didn't hear or pretended not to and continued.

"Let me get this straight. You didn't tell mum you don't actually have a boyfriend." Held up one finger. "You agreed to bring said nonexistent boyfriend on our family vacation." Two fingers. "And you hired a complete stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend to mum and dad." Three fingers and a look with equal amounts of exasperated and impressed.

"Yeah, that about sums it up." Digging around in the fridge for a beer, Sirius raised his voice to be heard. "And he's not a _complete_ stranger. I mean, he's in the shop all the time and seems like a decent bloke." Popping the cap and returning to the living room, he caught sight of James giving him The Look. "Okay, yeah, it might be a problem to start with, but we have at least 8 hours in the car to get to know one another and I'm sure I can make it work. I really have a good feeling about him. And besides, I have fantastic acting skills."

James looked to Lily as if for back-up. "I mean, his acting skills are pretty great."

Throwing his hands in the air in defeat, James gave up and dropped down next to his wife.

"It'll be fine, James. His one qualifier for the agreement was no sex, so I don't have to worry about that. And you're constantly telling me that my idea of platonic affection is excessive. It'll be fine," he repeated. Privately he questioned whether he was trying to convince them or himself. He wasn't entirely sure.

Lily patted James' leg reassuringly then rested her arm on the back of the couch, twisting to look over at Sirius where he stood behind it. "So what's his name?"

"Remus," he couldn't help the small smile, remembering the bookish man with a dusting of freckles across his nose and cheeks and easy blushes. "He's a teacher."

"Ah, well, I suppose I should have expected you and James to have the same taste, even if you bat for different teams." She tossed him a wink, but Sirius just rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"It's nothing more than a ruse. I probably would have told mum we'd broken up if he hadn't been there, though. I know how hard you two have it budgeting for the summer months, and he doesn't have a partner to help him out. I have the money to spare, mum doesn't get upset and start setting me up on dates with every bent bloke she comes across, and he can breathe a bit easier. A triple win."

James studied him with a look he couldn't quite decipher, but it was Lily who responded.

"That's surprisingly thoughtful of you, Sirius."

"I'm sure I should be offended, but I don't have the time because I had better head home to pack."

"You haven't packed yet?!" James said incredulously.

Swallowing the last of his beer, Sirius leaned down and planted a kiss on Lily's head and ruffled James' already messy hair. "Course not, what do you take me for? A bloody poof? It'll take ten minutes, tops. Call me when you're out front in the morning." Hand on the doorknob, he added "and not a minute sooner, Potter!"

Eyes on his feet and hands shoved in his pocket, Sirius was halfway home when he felt a buzz from his phone. Pulling it out, he saw that he had a text from an unknown number, quickly swiping to unlock.

**So, remember when I said I thought I owned a tux?**

Sirius chuckled as he saved the number in his phone as ❤️ Bae ❤️ despite (or perhaps perpetuated by) his intuition that Remus would hate it, before tapping out a reply.

_Are you telling me this relationship is founded on a bed of lies? *gasp*_

**It is, but that's not actually my point.**

**I think my tux must be stored at my mum's, but regardless, I definitely do not have one to bring with.**

There's a pause in which Sirius tried to recall the stores in the town near the beach house to be sure they'd be able to find something there, but before he could reply another message came through from Remus.

**Looks like you'll just have to tell your mum the truth and leave me behind.**

_Nice try, Snicker Doodle, no running off now. You're all mine for two weeks._  
  
_We'll go shopping before the event and I'll buy you appropriate attire._

Remus responded with a sigh and his address, while Sirius sent back a dozen kissing emojis, before locking his phone and quickly finishing the walk to his flat with more of a spring to his step.

 

◆

 

The following morning, when a silver SUV pulled up outside his flat where he was waiting on the stoop, Remus was relieved that at least it would be fairly spacious for the long ride. He had been picturing an entire day spent cramped in a small car like his own, and had dreaded being in such a confined place with three people he didn't know.

A messy haired bloke with glasses hopped out of the driver seat to help him load his luggage in the back, shaking his hand happily once they were free.

"James Potter, it's a pleasure to meet you. Say, you do look familiar. In the shop a lot, are you?"

Remus nodded, realising he recognised James as well. "Remus, yeah, you work there too, don't you?"

"Yep! Sirius and I opened the place together. Nothing quite like owning a coffeeshop to disappoint your mum and da, eh?" He winked, and Remus somehow highly doubted their parents were all that disappointed in the two.

James turned and opened the back door then for Remus, looking over his shoulder to add "sorry to stick you in the back with Sirius, but well, Lily called shotgun." He smiled brightly and Remus vaguely wondered if there was anyone who disliked this man. He figured it was unlikely.

His relief at the mode of transportation was abruptly reversed when he found Sirius leaned against the opposite door, long legs stretched across the bench. Grey eyes sparkled mischievously in response to Remus' cocked brow.

"'ello love!"

Remus just sighed, lifting bare feet enough to slide in, before settling them on his lap and buckling his safety belt. A very pretty redhead in the front passenger seat twisted and gave him a pitying look.

"I'm sorry to stick you with him, but well, not sorry enough to do it myself," she smiled apologetically. She turned back around as James pulled out and the trip officially got underway. "Oh, and I'm Lily. We're glad to have you along. One more person to entertain or reign Sirius in is always appreciated."

Said boy scowled at the back of her head before flicking it, "shut up and turn the playlist on."

'The playlist' turned out to be mostly Disney tunes, and Remus would absolutely not admit how endearing it was watching the two brothers belt out every word. They were only an hour into the ride when Sirius began to fidget and Remus realised it was going to be a _long_ trip.

"Who's your favourite Disney character, Remus?"

Remus chuckled a bit, before admitting "the Beast was always my favourite. When I was a kid I used to cry when he turned back into the prince."

Sirius burst out laughing; not unkindly, but Remus blushed a bit anyway. "I liked Tigger the best as a kid, but I think Flynn Rider is my new favourite since Tangled came out." Remus was decidedly unsurprised by either of those choices. As if he read his mind, Sirius hit him with a very Rider-esque smoulder.

Determined to be unaffected, he rolled his eyes in response, ignoring the way his traitorous heart sped up.

"Aren't you going to ask who mine is?"

"I'm not trying to get to know you, Jamie. And no one needs to suffer through whatever speech it is you have planned about which prince and princess you and Lily are." Sirius drawled, nudging Remus with his foot to regain his attention. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No. Is it just you and James?"

Sirius' smile slipped and Remus wondered what he had said wrong. Lily chimed in, perhaps sensing the tension. "Sirius, you have to think about what you would have said to a boyfriend of nine months by now. I know you don't like opening up much, but would you have?"

Remus watched as his eyebrows became pinched, considering her words while his fingers played with his long hair. Finally he sighs, "I have a little brother named Regulus. The Potters- that is, James' family- took me in after my family threw me out."

Pausing to consider his next words carefully, Remus asked, "do you have a different last name I should know? As your boyfriend."

Sirius stared down at his lap, uncharacteristically quiet and contained. "Black. My name is Sirius Orion Black."

Remus refused to betray any level of surprise or shock, determined to act like it meant nothing to him. Pressing back against the stifling discomfort permeating the car and weighing heavily on his skin, he continued the train of conversation, "Mine's Lupin. Remus John Lupin. My mum lives about an hour outside the city, and my father passed a few years ago."

Grey eyes met his, searching, before smiling gratefully. Perhaps the first truly genuine smile he had seen from Sirius Black to date and that made it, without question, the most beautiful.

Even still, it was obvious the other boy needed a break to recompose himself, so when Africa by Toto came on and he threw himself into a performance, Remus just smiled and didn't press it. He twisted a bit in his seat, leaning into the corner against the door, thumb absently drawing circles around the sharp bone of Sirius' ankle where it still rested in his lap.

He tried to recall what he had seen on the news and read in the papers in the days following the scandal around Black Industries. He knew that there had been accusations of child abuse, but they hadn't been made by the child himself. Rather a neighbour or some such had seen the child broken and bleeding, fleeing the townhouse one night. The investigation had been dropped suspiciously quickly. He remembered his mother fuming, shattering a teacup against the peeling yellow paint of their small kitchen, the antique white a startling contrast against the terra-cotta floor, but not near as startling as his small, well mannered mum raging around the house over injustice and corruption. Remus had understood that she was most worried about a young boy his own age, and furious that anyone could treat their son with anything but the unconditional love and understanding she had always treated him with. He also recalled a front page article about the 'new heir' to Black industries, featuring a photo of a young child with dark hair and proud features. It hadn't meant much at the time, but it was easy to connect the dots in light of Sirius' reactions, that he was more than likely the missing Black heir.

Sirius' gaze was on him as the song ended, but he met it with a soft smile that he hoped was reassuring. Everyone had a past, and everyone had secrets. He decided it meant little to him what family Sirius had been born into, when he had obviously escaped the rampant malicious insanity. He reasoned that any man who chose to build a new life for himself as a coffeeshop baker with his best friend, couldn't be all that bad. The only thing weighing heavily on his shoulders was his own guilt over a secret that he couldn't find the courage to share with the handsome man, even after he had shared with him.

They continued back and forth like that for the next few hours, sharing things big and small, interspersed with breaks for show tunes, Disney, and classics. Remus talked about the things he loved and hated about teaching, especially pleased when Lily joined in sharing her own woes of teaching chemistry at the high school on the other side of town from where Remus taught English and various Literature courses.

Sirius and James told the story of being delirious off lack of sleep studying for exams and swearing they were going to drop out and open a coffee shop together. How what started as a joke turned into a dream and then a reality.

His stomach hurt from laughing about Sirius dancing in his boxers, tuxedo shirt, and bowtie at James and Lily's wedding two years before. He almost didn't notice when it stopped feeling like a Q&A session for a job and more like a road trip with his best friends, reminiscing on stories of their lives.

A bit before the halfway point they stopped to fuel up, stretch, and use the loo. Remus absolutely did not stare at the strip of pale skin revealed as Sirius rose up on his toes and arched his back, arms stretched high above his head. And he definitely didn't shiver at the satisfied moan the other man let out when his spine popped. And finally, he most assuredly didn't run away mumbling something about getting a drink when he saw Lily smirking at him.

It was a stroke of luck that they had stopped where they did, because less than five kilometres back on the road, traffic came to a grinding halt. It took thirty minutes at a crawl before they reached the point where three lanes condensed down to one, at which point Sirius twisted around and settled his head in Remus' lap, knees bent and feet flat on his own seat. He stared up at him with his self assured smiles and his cocky attitude and Remus slowly found himself adjusting to the contact and tentatively threading his fingers into long black hair. When he did, Sirius stopped talking, looking up at him with wides eyes for a moment, before resuming his story about James trying to woo Lily when they were lads, and her absolute rejections. Remus continued to run his fingers through Sirius' hair, even after the other man nodded off in his lap. When he stopped talking, Lily twisted around and muttered an 'oh thank Merlin' when she saw he was asleep, melting back into her seat comfortably. It was still another hour before they saw the accident that had caused the congestion, but the lanes opened up after that and they were able to get back up to the speed limit.

Remus was looking out the window at the scenery speeding by, growing flatter the closer they got to the ocean, his hand resting lightly on Sirius' chest when he felt the sleeping man stir. Lily was on the phone with Mrs. Potter explaining that they would be later than expected, but would hopefully still be there in time for supper.

"Tell mum I say hi," Sirius told her, words slightly slurred with sleep.

Remus watched in fascination as he woke slowly. Muscles that were lax growing tight, face taking on an easy confidence that seemed to Remus to be more a mask than he had realised before. It was like a blanket of stress and suit of secrets settled over him. By the time his eyes blinked open, staring up at Remus, he thought perhaps he had imagined it all. Sirius' gaze darted to the front seat, seeing that Lily and James were paying them no mind, before tentatively reaching up and tracing his face. The touch was barely there, just a graze of the pads of his fingers, up his jaw, across his eyebrows, down his nose, and the cupid's bow of his lips. Remus held his breath through it all, watching for any sign of anything on Sirius' face, but he gave nothing away as to what his thoughts were as he studied Remus.

"You have a nice face," he finally declared.

Remus let out a huff of breath and rolled his eyes. "Glad to have your approval, your highness."

Sirius grinned before righting himself. Rather than scooting over to his side though, he stayed in the middle, leaning between James and Lily as she hung up the phone.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty!" James exclaimed, reaching back awkwardly to wrap an arm around Sirius' neck. Eyes still glued to the road, he planted a kiss on the top of his head, while Sirius leaned into James' shoulder.

"How long was I out? Or rather, how much further?"

"Couple hours still," Lily answered, looking at the map on her phone.

Sirius groaned into James' neck. "Not the answer I was looking for..."

"Going to have to just continue being a patient little puppy, Padfoot."

Cocking his eyebrow in confusion, Remus asked, "Padfoot..?"

Lily and James' heads snapped to each other, eyes wide in obvious delight. Sirius settled back in his seat sighing.

"Ohhhh do we have a story for you." Lily twisted around excitedly.

"You're entirely too pleased for something that isn't even an embarrassing story," Sirius said, waving his hand lazily for her to continue.

"So, as you have probably gathered, Sirius, James, and I all went to boarding school together. These two idiot never took anything seriously- don't you dare, Sirius- didn't take anything seriously and were constantly getting into trouble. So needless to say, I was completely unfazed when one morning I heard the English professor asking James what on earth had happened to his essay."

She pauses, looking pointedly at her husband who was snickering at this point. Remus ran through in his mind what _could_ have happened to James' homework to lead to Sirius' apparent nickname, but was coming up rather empty handed.

"Up until this point, I'm ignoring the whole thing because James Potter is a self-absorbed toerag, but then I hear him answer that his dog ate his homework. Obviously a boarding school doesn't _allow_ dogs but in all honesty, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that these two had managed to smuggle one into their dorm at some point, so I kind of turn around to see what his homework looks like and if there might actually be a dog."

Sirius leaned against Remus, whose attention was very torn between the warm body pressed against him and honestly wanting to know how this story ends.

"Which, I don't understand why you started paying attention _then_. Obviously James was _already_ in trouble, so it's not like you could tattle on us at that point. Did you just get off on watching us get scolded?"

The look Lily gave Sirius was one that obviously said she thought he was thick. "Because, puppy, Sirius."

Remus threw his head back and burst out laughing. He could picture a small Lily, full of self-righteous indignation at two mischievous boys, but setting all of that aside when there was a chance of there being a cute puppy to pet. He couldn't exactly say he would have been any different.

Wiping at the tears leaking from the corner of his eyes, he caught Sirius watching him with a small smile. As a blush rose to his cheeks, he quickly looked back to Lily, indicating that she should continue the story.

"Right, so, the paper was absolutely mangled and soggy, with clear bites taken out of it and I thought for sure he was actually telling the truth and they had a puppy hid in their dorm, but Professor McGonagall was staring in disbelief at them and asked James what his dog's name was. James floundered for a moment, before blurting out PADFOOT. And then Sirius lost it laughing and was face down on the desk crying and had to be removed from the room. They both end up in the Headmaster's office and come to find out James tried to copy Sirius' paper, so Sirius decided to EAT James' copy and put it back in his bag so he wouldn't know until he actually went to turn it in."

Remus was positive his jaw was on the floor of the car as he shook his head in disbelief, looking between the two men involved. Sirius just nodded solemnly. "And so, I am a puppy named Padfoot."

Tipping his head to the side, he pretends to consider the shaggy haired man next to him. "I can see it. You're spirit animal is absolutely a big ole puppy."

Sirius shoved his shoulder hard enough to press Remus up against the door, but Remus just laughed, unperturbed. Finally scooting back over to his side of the car, Sirius asked, "do you have any nicknames?"

"Not really. I think some of my students make wolf jokes behind my back though, because of my name."

Sirius tapped his chin in thought, "I'm sure James and I will come up with something over the course of this trip." Remus didn't doubt it one bit. "So, you like mint mochas in the winter and iced tea lattes in the summer, and my incredible chocolate croissants any time of year. Nice choice by the way-"

"Wait, how did you know that?!" Remus watched Sirius in disbelief. He definitely hadn't mentioned any of those things, but they were all absolutely true. Sirius' chocolate croissants were incredible, not that he was going to feed the man's ego by saying that.

Something flashed across Sirius' face, but Remus was at a loss as to what it meant as he waited for an answer. In the end, Sirius simply shrugged. "I just noticed. You're in a lot."

"The place is always busy. You're the best coffee shop on the east side of the city. Do you memorise everyone's preferences?"

Sirius looked away. The sun was streaming in brilliantly behind him, creating a glow around his outline and making it difficult to tell if he was blushing, or perhaps just warm. "Only the one's I'm dating for 9 months." The glance he gave him out of the corner of his eye was sly, but Remus decided to let it go. For now. It was definitely something to consider alone, before he went to sleep, what it could mean that Sirius had noticed him even before he needed a fake boyfriend.

It didn't overpower Remus' knowledge that he was simply convenient, though. In the right place, at the right time, and not a homophobic prick. Lily's voice pulled him back to the present, "what inspired you to want to be a teacher?"

Remus knew it was a good question. An important one. But he struggled with how to answer honestly without giving too much away. "Have you ever heard the quote 'be the person you needed when you were younger?'" he asked. Lily and James both nodded, but Sirius just watched him with a heavy gaze. Remus stared down at his hands, threading his fingers together, fidgeting. "Well, as a kid my teachers were important to me, but there was never any... LGBT+ representation where I grew up. And I remember- I remember desperately wishing there was some kind of adult I could look to, someone to show me that it would get better and that I could become a happy adult. That there was... a future for someone like me." His voice trailed off to a whisper and he didn't dare look up. He knew that they would assume he meant being bisexual, and that they would be totally accepting because they loved Sirius and obviously had no problem with him being gay, but it was still... It was still terrifying being honest and vulnerable with people he didn't know.

Without a word, Sirius slid back into his personal space, wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in Remus' neck. Remus froze, surprised by the contact, before slowly relaxing and wrapping his arms around his back.

"I picked an amazing boyfriend." His breath against Remus' skin sent goosebumps rippling across his flesh. Remus caught Lily's soft smile just before she looked back to the road ahead of them, turning the music up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments last chapter were lovely, and appreciated, and I keep rereading all of them, so thank you <3


	3. Plunge

plunge | \ ˈplənj \ |  _verb_

_to enter a state or course of action suddenly, begin with vigour, or a steep or rapid fall_

 

◆

 

As they got closer, the trees became thicker, the houses fewer and further apart, and there was hardly any other traffic. At one point Remus asked if they were sure they knew where they were going, because this seemed too forested to be near a beach. James had just chuckled and said he knew what he meant, but assured him this was the right way. Perhaps he should have been worried he was being kidnapped or murdered, but somehow he doubted either man had any use for him that would lead to that, so he decided just to be patient. 

A quiet gasp escaped his lips when they suddenly broke out of the trees and were immediately faced with an endless expanse of ocean. The sun had begun its descent, but was still relatively high in the sky due to the season. Its warm rays reflected brilliantly on the waves, causing them to glow in warm hues of gold and amber edged in white foam.

Remus practically had his nose pressed to the glass as they passed through a small town with cobbled roads and quaint shops lining the way. Small groups of people idly strolled the sidewalks, browsing wares in the windows without any of the rush Remus was used to in the city. 

They stopped at a small guardhouse where James presented his ID and the gates were opened for them to pass through. The homes here were larger and spread even further apart, no one could see their neighbours. When they finally turned off the road, it was onto a long drive made of smooth, square terracotta stones, faded from the salt in the ocean air. The winding drive ended in a U in front of the most beautiful home Remus had ever seen. The white washed stucco walls were broken by columns, arched doorways and windows, all sheltered under a black ceramic tiled roof. It was simple, and Remus was hard pressed to decide what it was that made it so astonishing, but couldn’t come up with anything other than it was elegant. 

A finger tapped under his chin and he startled. Realising his mouth was hanging open, he snapped it shut. He expected Sirius to be smirking at him in his usual cocky way, but instead saw a soft smile and a quick wink from the other boy. The car came to a stop just in front of the front door and Remus saw two figures emerge to wait on the front steps and greet them. 

He shivered as the other man leaned over and whispered in his ear, warm breath ghosting across the sensitive skin. “Showtime.”

Sirius’ mother was already fawning over Lily, kissing her cheeks before holding her at arms length to appraise her daughter-in-law. James shook his father’s hand before pulling both his mother and wife into a tight hug that had them both giggling and scolding him. When he released them, the older woman turned to Remus and he tried very hard not to panic and run away, instead forcing a warm smile to his lips.

Her hair was just beginning to grey, whisps streaking the otherwise soft black-brown where it was pulled back from her brown face. She put her hands on her hips in an explicitly maternal fashion, but her warm brown eyes gave away her pleasure, crinkling even as she fought back a smile. Remus was reminded of his own mother, struggling to scold him as a child when really she was amused, and instantly he felt more at ease. “And who is this handsome man?”

He cross the remaining distance, holding out his hand. “Remus. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Potter,” he said. She took his hand in her much smaller one, resting the other gently on his cheek.

“Oh. He’s lovely.”

Remus didn’t need to see him to know that Sirius had rolled his eyes, “what did you expect, mum?”

She shook her head, but ignored him for the moment. “Please, call me Effie, love. Mrs. Potter was my mother-in-law, and right minger she was. It’s so nice to meet you at last, Remus.” She released him before turning to her son and frowning. “And don’t give me that attitude, young man, because I really wasn’t sure what to expect. You hadn’t even told me so much as his name. At first I thought you must have gotten mixed up with some drug addict or something you were keeping secret from me, and then I started to wonder if he even existed at all.”

Grey eyes locked onto his own. “Yes, well, as you can see he is very much real. Not at all made up.” 

Remus wondered how he managed to say it with a straight face. Mr. Potter clapped him on the shoulder, causing Remus to jump a bit in surprise. He was tall, like James, and had glasses like his son as well. But while James had his mother’s wild, dark locks, Mr. Potter was much lighter in shade, and well controlled. Something, he imagined, James’ never could or would be. His eyes were a very similar shade of hazel, and Remus could tell that James was a perfect blend of both his parents.

“Taking care of our son?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer that and fought back against his instinct to look to Sirius in panic. He considered saying that Sirius hardly needed him to take care of him; he seemed entirely self-sufficient and self-confident, always sure of himself and at ease, but something made him stop. He remembered him, asleep in his lap and waking slowly. The gradual shift of his features, as if Remus were watching a wall that was rebuilt every time the other man awoke.

“When he lets me,” he found himself answering. The look Sirius’ dad gave him made him feel like it was the right answer. The realistic one for Sirius’ boyfriend, that he would feel that way about the proud young man. Perhaps Sirius needed someone to take care of him more than he let on or even allowed.

The man in question came up next to them, carrying both his and Remus’ suitcases. “Alright, that’s enough of that. You have two weeks to interrogate him, but we just spent ages in the back of a car and frankly could both use a shower before supper.”

With a wave of their hands shooing them inside, the Potter parents released him and he followed behind Sirius up the few steps and into an airy, bright entry room. He wasn’t sure what the protocol was for entering nice homes, having never been in one before. Should he take his shoes off? In the end he figured it was best just to follow Sirius’ lead and hurried to catch up with the boy who was already halfway up a curved staircase. 

His fingers trailed over the uneven textured stucco of the arched doorway leading to, what he could only assume, was Sirius' room. Even the door was beautiful, he noted as he closed it behind him, the carved wood worn soft under his hand. Turning to examine the room itself, he stopped short, staring at the bed.

Bed, singular.

Sirius noticed he had frozen and was watching him with a barely concealed smirk twitching at the corner of his lips. "You didn't think that far, did you?"

"No. No, I really hadn't..."

"Yeah, well, just think of it like a sleepover."

When Remus didn't respond, Sirius paused in unpacking his clothes into a wooden dresser, cocking his head to the side in question. "You did have sleepovers with other boys as a kid, didn't you?" 

Remus wasn’t sure if the question was supposed to be rhetorical or not, but either way he shakes his, because as a matter of fact, "no, no I did not."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise, considering him for a moment before shrugging and returning to the piles of folded clothes. "Well, then you're long overdue. James and I used to have them all the time. Even after I moved in, despite the multitude of rooms to choose from in their home, most nights we didn't even end up in different beds, let alone bedrooms. Plus, this one is plenty big enough for both of us."

Eyeing the furniture in question, Remus acquiesced that, yes, at least it was an enormous bed. It was a hulking four-poster king, with twisting maple spires that reached toward the vaulted ceilings. Brilliant gold fabric panels were tied to the corners, hanging decoratively, while flowing crimson ones hung from the crossbeams, capable of being closed for privacy.

Hearing Sirius chuckle, Remus eyed the man with suspicion, like a sheep might a wolf. "Though, I can't promise not to cuddle, so."

Sighing in defeat, he crossed the room to do some unpacking of his own.

 

◆

 

"You are _not_ wearing that to dinner."

Sirius spun around, grinning wildly at Remus who was stood in the opening between the bedroom and bathroom with his arms folded across his chest. "It'll drive mum mad, but she won't say anything because she's too nice. It'll be great!"

"We _just_ got here. At least make it 24 hours without harassing the lovely woman."

Sirius pouted, but it was playful. "Remussss you're no fun.” Remus felt his lip twitch as fought back against a smile.

"I don't care, change clothes." He unfolded his arms and crossed the room to the dresser. "I was going to ask you what I should wear to dinner, but obviously that's a lost cause."

"We could match! Do you have ratty pyjamas with you as well?"

"Of course I don't, and you're not wearing yours to my first dinner with your parents!"

"Well look at you two, arguing like an old married couple."

Both men spun to see James leaned against the door frame smiling. His hair was damp like Remus', but he was already dressed in loose linen trousers and a lightweight sweater. Remus gestured to him, and then back at Sirius. "Can't you look respectable like James?"

James burst out laughing, then walked over a slung an arm around Remus' shoulders. "Ohhhh boy. This is going to be so much more fun than I anticipated. Padfoot, stop tormenting your poor boyfriend and change clothes. Remus, wear whatever you would like, mum already loves you and has been talking my ear off for the past 10 minutes about how happy she is to see Siri finally settling down with a nice respectable boy."

"Come on Jamie, won't you go to dinner in your pyjammies with me?"

James answered in a sickeningly sweet tone, "no can do, Paddyfoot. I'm going to play the role of the respectable adult son for the evening so that maybe neither of them will think to look into the giant box filled with fireworks I just hid in the garage."

Remus gave James a hesitant side eye, "oh no... Does Lily know about that?"

"Of course not," he waved his hand flippantly.

With both boys still standing there, Sirius promptly dropped his faded and torn pyjama pants to the floor, standing in only his boxer-briefs. Remus instinctively threw his hands over his eyes, causing the brothers to roar with laughter and his face to burn scarlet. Even after realising his mistake, he refused to lower his hands. 

"Gods, what have I gotten myself into?" he muttered to himself. 

James shook him back and forth. "Loosen up! You'll have to, in order to survive two weeks with this one."

Lowering his hands, Remus shrugged James off him before locating a light cardigan to don on top of his t-shirt. He hesitated before reluctantly turning around and dropping his shorts as well, quickly pulling on a pair of casual chinos, while resolutely ignoring the snickers from the other two at his hasty changing tactic.

As the three headed down to supper, Sirius wedged himself between the other two, threading his fingers into both of their hands, happily swinging their arms. "We should go skinny dipping tonight."

Remus was saved from the onset of an anxiety attack by James shaking his head. "Not tonight, I'm completely beat from driving."

Sirius shrugged, apparently not put out in the slightest. "Yeah, alright." 

Lily was already seated at the table, talking to Mr. Potter about the drive and the accident they had passed. Her normally fiery red hair was slightly muted, rendered darker for being still wet from her shower and twisted into a ballet bun at the back of her head. She wore a loose yellow sundress and radiated contentedness as James settled next to her and took her hand in his.

Effie swept into the room, resting her hands on their backs, “what can I get you boys to drink?”

“Whatever wine you’re having, mum. You always have impeccable taste,” Sirius smiled winningly, and Remus’ thoughts briefly drifted to the garage.

“We already found the fireworks, love, but I will get you a glass of wine. Remus?”

“Ahh, the same?”

“Lily? Wine?”

“Actually, I think I’m alright with fizzy water tonight.”

Effie nodded, disappearing back through the doors he assumed must lead to the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with several empty wine glasses balanced between her fingers, a bottle of white wine, and water for Lily.

Sirius and Remus sat opposite James and Lily, with the Potter parents at each end of the table. James' dark hazel eyes flicked to Remus for a moment before holding Sirius' gaze as he brought Lily's hand to his lips, softly kissing each of her knuckles in turn. Sirius briefly smirked, before casting his eyes toward Remus in a flirty manor, casually skimming his fingers over his cheek and brushing his tawny curls back from his eyes. 

Before Remus could restart the wire shortage in his brain enough to react, James draped his arm over the back of Lily's chair and leaned over to leave a kiss on her cheek.

Sirius' finger tips had just barely ghosted over Remus' knee when Mr. Potter scolded, "boys, I thought we had matured beyond this. How many times have I told you that not everything in life is a competition. Now, leave your poor partners alone and eat your salads.”

Both James and Sirius looked like the cat caught with canary, eyes downcast to their food, before flicking back up to the other. Brothers, indeed.

Remus took a large bite, despite the fact Sirius’ fingers still lingered on his knee. It was no longer a flirty, lingering touch though; now it was comfortable, grounding, and steady. 

Between bites, Mr. Potter asked, ”so how did you two meet?"

Remus felt Sirius freeze next to him, hand squeezing his knee, but before he could betray his panic that they had somehow missed discussing something so simple, Remus answered smoothly for them. "I'm in the coffeeshop all the time. Sirius makes _incredible_ chocolate croissants. I knew I had to scoop him up before someone else did, if for no other reason than to have them for breakfast whenever I want." 

He smiled his most charming smile, the one he used to distract people from asking personal questions, and redirect the conversation off himself. He was used to this, used to answering with half-truths and not-quite-lies. He could feel Sirius' eyes on him, appraising him, impressed with his ability. Remus refused to feel pleased by the attention.

He leaned back as a greying woman emerged from the kitchen, placing plates of a creamy pasta with bright veggies in front of each of them. ”Mrs. Po- Effie, tell me more about this gala you've organised. Sirius was rather vague on the details of it to me."

She fixed her son with a stern look and Remus worried he had said the wrong thing. "That's probably because he tries to find a way out of going every year, but not this time, young man. You _will_ be attending, you _will_ bring Remus, and that boat better remained docked the entire day of the event so that you don't 'accidentally lose track of time' again," she scolded, complete with air quotes.

Sirius had the decency to smile sheepishly, but didn't look all that sorry, "yes ma'am. If only because I've never seen Remus dressed up before. We're going to go into town beforehand to get him something to wear. Do you have a suggestion for a shop we might find something at? He didn't realise until the last minute his old tux didn't fit anymore and by then we didn't have time to go shopping for one."

Effie swirled the wine in her glass idly as she considered, watching the way the ochre liquid caught the light, before looking back up at them. "I would guess Oliver's is you're best bet. It's just past the chocolate shoppe."

Sirius nodded, taking a large bite of pasta.

"Lily, darling are you alright? You've hardly touched your food."

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry mum. It's just, we didn't eat much all day, and eating again after I haven't always makes me a bit queasy, and that on top of the long drive-"

Effie waved her hand, "that's quite alright love, just want to be sure it was to your liking or I could whip something else up for you."

"No, no, it's fine," Lily nodded enthusiastically, but Remus couldn't help but notice she was looking a bit green. He hoped she was alright, it would be a shame to get sick right at the start of vacation.

 

◆

 

They somehow made it through the first dinner without blowing their cover, but both men were exhausted by the time they were released to their room for bed. The emotional stress of the day weighed heavily on Remus’ shoulders, and it was a struggle to not just collapse face first on the bed in his clothes and call it a night. 

Sirius, apparently, had no such qualms, and Remus watched in amusement as he flopped on the bed, long black hair fanning out around him.

“Sure, _now_ you don’t want to wear your pyjamas.

Turning his face to be heard, Sirius huffed, causing his hair to flutter in the air before falling back across his face. “It wouldn’t be a problem if _someone_ had let me wear them to dinner. And on top of it, she already found the fireworks! It was all for naught, Remy.”

Remus rolled his eyes, grabbing his toiletry bag and a change of clothes before heading into the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He folded his clothes carefully, placing them on the counter before pulling on a pair of loose, athletic shorts. His testosterone gel was cool on his skin, and he took comfort in the routine normalcy of applying it. Even if the day had been crazy and pushed him far from his comfort zone, he still had this. To take a moment to himself, rubbing in the viscous medicine on his arms and shoulders, as he knew he would every day for the rest of his life. It was a constant, a past, a present, and a future.

While he waited for it to dry, he brushed his teeth and washed his packer, before hiding it in a small, drawstring pouch in his bag, hoping Sirius didn’t get nosy in his things. Even though he was always hot and normally slept without one, he pulled on a worn t-shirt and hoped it wouldn’t be too warm for him to sleep.

Heading back into the bedroom, Remus heard the slow, steady breathing that could only mean Sirius was already out cold. The lights were still on, and he hadn’t even bothered to get under the blankets, but at least had changed back into his pyjamas. Sprawled on his back, the no-longer-black shirt had ridden up to expose a strip of smooth pale skin and jutting hip bones that nearly made Remus drool. Depositing his clothes in the dresser, he quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, just in case. Flipping off the light, he slid under the covers on the opposite side of the bed, nervously laying on the very edge. 

He counted his breaths and tried not to think about the rest of the trip and how many ways it could all go wrong. The curtains were open and he could see the moon and stars outside, so bright they flooded the room with an etherial silver glow. His blinks became slower and he tried to pick out constellations, until his eyelids seemed too heavy to keep open at all. He wasn’t sure whether he had fallen asleep or not, when he heard Sirius gasp, sitting up next to him with a start. Remus tried to fight through the bog of grogginess that was dragging him down like quicksand to ask if he was alright. To ask why he was breathing as if he had just ran a marathon. The last thing he remembered as it pulled him under, was the shifting of the bed as Sirius left.


	4. Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was getting to be excessively long, hence no update last week because it /still/ isn't done, but I split it to get something out to you guys and will have the rest to you later this week! (:

secret | /ˈsēkrit/ | _noun_

_something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others._

 

◆

 

When Remus woke, it was to the crashing of waves, screeching of seagulls, and an empty bed. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, it took a moment for him to remember where he was. Rolling over, he saw the spot next to him made neatly and a brief touch of Sirius' pillow confirmed it had been cold for some time. Vaguely, he thought he remembered the other man getting up in the middle of the night, but had no inkling of what time it could have been or whether he had returned and slept further.

Throwing back the covers, Remus drug himself out of the extravagantly comfortable bed and stumbled into the bathroom for a quick shower. The water did nothing to help him wake up, perhaps actually lulling him back toward sleep with it's comfortable steamy warmth, but he forced himself to make it quick rather than lounging under the water like he might usually.

He toweled his hair dry before securing it around his waist, rubbing absently at his eyes as he went to retrieve clothes that he didn't think to bring with him. He hadn't thought to ask Sirius the night before what they would be doing today, but he hoped he would have been warned about anything he should dress nicely for. Hopefully normal clothes would be acceptable. Although, he had a feeling Sirius wasn't the type to be overly concerned with what was acceptable or not. He had always found it unique before that a coffee shop baker wore all black, ripped jeans and band tees, and now he found it even more amusing that he knew he came from a well to-do family.

A soft gasp brought him back to the present, lowering his hands from his face. Lily was perched on the edge of the bed, and it took him several long, sleepy blinks to realise she was staring at his chest. His brain snapped suddenly to fully awake, fear racing through his veins like a drug as he desperately tried to cover the two long jagged scars with his hands, as if that would make her unsee them. "Don't tell him! Please, please don't tell him," Remus blurted out, but braced himself for her to race from the room in search of Sirius.

He flinched when she rose from the bed, eyes scrunched shut, before flying back open when she just touched his cheek gently. "Oh Remus. It won't bother Sirius. I promise, it won't bother Sirius. It isn't my secret to tell, and I will not tell him, but you should. When you're ready though, love. It'll be fine."

Searching her eyes, he found nothing but sincerity, but still felt he had to ask, voice barely a whisper, "you don't mind?"

She smiled kindly, "of course not. No one here will. But you do what makes you comfortable, that's what matters most." Remus let out a long breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and Lily took a step back, giving him room to settle himself. "I just came to see if you were up, we'll eat breakfast soon. Well, and to hide, because our two favourite idiots are going to be in trouble and I didn't want to help with the clean up."

He took several deep, steadying breaths as she spoke, before fully realising that it was alright. She didn't hate him, didn't seem inclined to treat him any differently, and wasn't going to tell Sirius. Everything was still alright, at least for the time being. "What time is it? How are they _already_ in trouble?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Time is no boundary on their behaviour. But it's only 10, you didn't sleep too late, if that's what you're worried about. Effie should be heading downstairs and finding James and Sirius in the kitchen covered in whipped cream any moment now."

He hummed in acknowledgement as he searched for some clothes. "Do you know what we're doing today? What should I wear..."

She laid back on the bed, long red hair a fiery fan around her, her phone held above her head as she played on it. "First day is always mini golf day. It's tradition. So, we'll be outside and it's supposed to be warm, but really whatever you want to wear is fine."

Remus stared at his clothes for a beat more, before shrugging and grabbing a pair of shorts and a plain t-shirt and retreating to the bathroom to change. He dusted and secured his packer in place before pulling on the charcoal grey shorts and deep red shirt. Lily was still lounging on the bed, possibly watching a youtube video involving cats, when he reemerged. She burst out laughing at something on the screen, and Remus smiled at the way her face lit up.

"Are you feeling better today then? You were a bit green last night at dinner."

She locked her phone, pushing herself up to balance on her elbows and tilting her head to the side as she considered him. "I know your secret before Sirius, would you like to know mine before him? Tit for tat." Her smile was conspiratorial, "it isn't quite the same, since I actually have a plan to tell him soon, but it'll drive him absolutely mad when he finds out you knew first."

Plopping down next to her on the bed, Remus studied her, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want. It's not like you meant to discover mine, you don't owe me anything, Lily."

She giggled and ruffled his hair, "secrets are more fun when you share them."

Up close, Remus could see her eyes were a brilliant emerald green, interspersed with darker flecks the closer it got to her pupil. He found himself nodding in agreement, despite his uncertainty whether he believed that or not.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered.

His mouth fell open as she positively beamed, and suddenly he understood what they meant when they said a woman glowed when pregnant. She was like staring at a shooting star, showering sparks of a granted wish, illuminating an already lovely night sky. Without inhibition he wrapped her in his arms, infected by her joy and squeezed her tight, "congratulations! Oh this is wonderful Lily, you and James will be incredible- wait," he pulled back eyes narrow, scrutinising her, "you _did_ tell James before me, right?"

"Of course! But not his parents or Sirius yet. Sirius wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut to save his life on this, and we wanted to tell mum and da in person."

"Tell mum and dad what?"

Sirius pushed the door open, glancing between the two with a steadily rising eyebrow. Remus noted that his hair was tangled and matted, and stuck together in places with what he could only assume to be dried whipped cream. His shirt was crumpled beyond saving without a wash, but somehow he still looked incredibly attractive, which was entirely unfair. "Stealing my boyfriend, Lils? And here I thought you had no sense left, what with marrying that toe-rag, but clearly I stand corrected. You do have some taste."

Lily hopped up, pulling Sirius down by the neck and standing on her toes to kiss him square on the mouth. "Perhaps I'll just have to let slip to mum and dad how you two are thinking of moving in together. Nine months is rather serious, isn't it love?"

Visibly paling, Sirius stood stock still, before unfreezing to chase Lily out the door and down the hall, where she had taken off running. "LILY EVANS YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Remus rose from the bed to follow them at a more dignified and leisurely pace. He leaned around the corner, peeking into the dining room where they had supped the previous night, but it was empty. Cocking his head, he listened for the direction where Lily's raucous laughter and what he could only assume was a tickled induced screech were coming from. Allowing his fingers to trail over the rough texture of the wall down the hallway, he stopped at the pair of french doors, thrown open to reveal a beautiful covered deck overlooking the ocean. Just steps from the door was a large table, covered with a clean white tablecloth and laden with the most incredible breakfast he had ever seen.

Stepping out, the wood was pleasantly cool under his bare feet and the ocean breeze pleasant as it whispered through his hair and across his cheeks. His eyes slipped shut as he took a deep breath, the crisp salty scent washing over him and melting away any residual stress from his earlier encounter with Lily. When he opened them again, he found Sirius to be standing a few feet from him, a softness to his eyes and smile that Remus hadn't seen before. He smiled wider when Remus met his gaze, before crossing to stand right in front of him, slowly winding his arms around Remus' waist.

His breath stuttered in surprise, but he quickly swallowed it down and smiled up at the other man, lightly resting his hands on strong biceps, reminding himself he had a job to do. A reason he was here.

"Mornin' kitten." Sirius' voice was quiet, and quick as a rabbit he left a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Sleep well?"

"After you stopped hogging the bed," he quipped, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. "What is this I heard about you and James wasting perfectly good whipped cream?"

The resulting chuckle rumbled against Remus' chest, reverberating through his body and causing the butterflies in his stomach to take flight. He tried not to think on how wonderful it felt to be the cause of that laughter, repeating a mantra in his head all an act, all an act, all an act.

"Don't worry, I _whipped_ up a fresh batch." He winked, releasing Remus and moving to take a seat at the table, patting the spot next to him on the cushioned bench.

Clumsily climbing over, he settled in the indicated spot across from Lily and surveyed the spread of food laid out for them. There were multiple carafes of juices, a pot of tea, breads, fruits, and meats and cheeses. Directly in front of him were a plate of innocent looking croissants, the warm chocolate aroma wafting up from them the only indicator that they were not plain.

When he risked a glance to his right, he found Sirius already watching him almost hesitantly, before his mask of casual smugness and surety slipped back down and he gave Remus a flirtatious lift of his chin and eyebrows. "Just for you, babe."

Narrowing his eyes for a moment, Remus decided that two could play that game. Without looking away, he reached for a croissant, holding Sirius' mischievous gaze even as he took a large bite. His eyes slipped shut and he groaned in pleasure as the warm buttery bread and chocolate melted pleasantly on his tongue.

Opening his eyes again, he was greeted by an obviously flustered Sirius, mouth open in shock and a faint blush dusting his cheeks. Remus' own eyes widened in disbelief that he had finally managed to have an effect on the dark haired beau. Recovering quickly, Remus grinned. "Thanks, babe," he said, kissing his cheek.

Sirius' mouth opened and closed several times, while James and Lily both just laughed, but he was saved from formulating an actual response by the entrance of the Potters. "Good morning, my beautiful children! I hope you all slept well?" She kissed Lily and James on the cheek, pressing a champagne glass with mimosa into Lily's hands. "It wouldn't possibly be the start of vacation without mimosas, would it dear?"

Lily smiled faintly, stealing a look at her husband. As his mother came around the table to greet Remus and scold Sirius again for that morning's mess, Remus was forced to cover his laugh with a cough as he watched James down his drink in one go, filling it with orange juice and trading with Lily before Mrs. Potter could turn around again.

She settle into the chair at the end between James and Sirius, patting both boys hands, "it's so nice to have both my boys home."

Fleamont chuckled, spreading butter on his bread before loading it with meat and cheese. "You act as if you haven't seen them in ages."

She waved her hand dismissively, before sipping her own mimosa. "James tell me about the houses you two have looked at so far."

"Well, the place Uncle showed us last week was nice and it had a yard, but isn't in Lily's school district and we'd rather not move again before we have kids and send them to school. Just do it once and do right, yeah?"

Effie nodded sagely, and Remus privately agreed, though he had the added advantage of knowing that was a situation that would be happening sooner than the others imagined.

James finished chewing the roll he had nabbed and took a sip of mimosa, before waving his hand vaguely and continuing, "we're seeing another one after we get back that I have a good feeling about. Walking distance to her school, nice townhouse. No yard to speak of, but I think that's alright, it's just down the block from a park."

"Well, you can always come over and enjoy our yard more often. You two don't visit nearly enough." She leaned over and topped Lily's juice off with champagne, not noticing her nervous expression. "And what about you Sirius? Are you still living in that horribly tiny little place?"

"It's really not that small, Mum, and it's just me, how much space do you think I need?"

"Where do you even serve guests tea? There can't possibly be enough room for you and Remus to both move around in."

Lily's head snapped up, looking at the two boys with bright eyes and a barely concealed smile before she schooled her face to one of mock concern. Sirius' eyes were wide as Remus frantically shook his head no at her. "There really isn't, Mum, I've been trying to convince the two of them to find a new place together, but haven't had much success."

Remus caught Sirius by the shoulder seconds before he slammed his head face down in his plate. With his mother's attention fully occupied with Sirius, Lily and James quickly swapped glasses again.

"That was a good catch, love. It's so funny how you can predict his seemingly unpredictable behaviour. But really, Lily is right. That loft can't possibly be enough space for you two, let me talk to my brother and see if he knows of a rental for you two. Or have you thought of buying together?"

Sirius ran a hand down his face in exasperation, "we haven't even talked about _renting_ together, Mum. You and Lily have for us. Which is not the same thing."

Lily filled her champagne glass with orange juice and sparkling water, sipping it delicately as she prodded, "oh, but nine months is an awfully serious relationship isn't it? And you two are so perfect together. Mum, you should see them when they come over to visit for dinner. Positively domestic- oof!" She cut off with a glare at Sirius and Remus would be willing to put money on him having kicked her under the table.

Two could play that game, he decided, rising a bit from the table to reach for the bottle of champagne. "Here, Lily, you're nearly empty, let me get that for you," he said, filling her half empty orange juice to the brim with alcohol again as she glowered at him. "And besides, you know perfectly well that I have just renewed my lease two months ago. Sirius and I agreed to discuss it further when it gets closer to that ending." He smiled sweetly at her, before glancing at James, who was staring defeatedly at the glass in front of her.

"There's plenty of time to discuss that, don't let the girls rush you two into anything," Mr. Potter interjected, unwittingly saving the boys from further distress. "Remus, while you're up would you mind passing the ham?"

"Not at all. Sirius, tea?" He rested a steadying hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, looking down at him and hoping the other did, indeed, drink tea, relieved when he received a smile and a nod. He filled two porcelain cups, one for himself and one for Sirius, the steam rising fragrantly to his face from the deep amber liquid. He settled back in his seat and Sirius passed him the sugar, though not putting any in his own. Remus spooned a heaping teaspoon in, followed by cream, leaving it between he and Sirius without looking like he was directly passing it. Sirius added some to his cup, the drink notably darker than Remus' own cup, and Remus made a mental note to remember how his boyfriend took his tea.

Fleamont retreated to the kitchen with the empty bottle of champagne. Pointing out a flock of birds in the distance, James hastily drained Lily's glass, much to Sirius' confusion, and barely returning it to it's spot as his father reemerged with another chilled bottle in his hand. Standing at the edge of the deck, he popped it with a grand flourish, shooting the cork off the edge to the cheers of Sirius and James, before returning to the table with the foaming bottle.

"Approve of this champagne, eh Lily?" He filled her glass with practised ease. James groaned and brought his face down into his plate filled with strawberries and whipped cream. Remus sighed at the further waste of delicious cream as it matted into the boy's dark, messy hair.

Effie didn't even seem surprised by the show of frustration, as if her son were 6 rather than 26, "James, face out of your food, darling. And I'd like to propose a toast," she lifted her glass, waiting expectantly for the others to do the same.

James blindly groped for his glass, finding the stem by feel and holding it above his head, still face down on the table. Lily, hesitantly lifted her glass, darting nervous looks at her husband, as Sirius and Remus both accepted a drink from Mr. Potter for the toast.

"I'm so happy we're all able to be here together again, to take some time away from it all to reconnect as a family. I'm especially pleased to have Remus here with us," she lifted her glass slightly higher, eyes smiling as they lingered on him, "Fleamont and I have both for so long hoped that Sirius would find someone to steady him and bring him the joy that we have found in each other, and that Lily brings to James, and though we've only just met, it's easy to see how happy you two make each other, and what promise this relationship holds."

Sirius was stiff as a board next to him, before his shoulders slumped in defeat. Remus could practically feel the guilt eating the other boy alive. When he spoke, his voice cracked unnaturally, "Mum, I-"

"I'M PREGNANT!" Lily burst out, before slapping a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide as saucers, and glued to Sirius. The transformation of his emotions was complete and nearly instantaneous. James finally lifted his face out of his strawberries to smile lopsidedly at his brother, and the table erupted into complete chaos.

Sirius was around the table in seconds, lifting Lily to her feet and spinning her around, before doing the same the James. Remus rested his elbows on the table, head hanging as he breathed a sigh of relief. Mrs. Potter was crying happily, hugging Lily tight against her, as Mr. Potter held James by his shoulders, smiling proudly at his son.

“Did you hear that, Remus? I’m going to be a godfather!”

Rising from the table to join in the celebration, he decided to have a bit of fun, knowing that Lily would enjoy it as well. “Oh, did you not know already?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow playfully.

It brought the expected reaction, when Sirius stared at him in disbelief. “What do you mean?” he asked, eyes narrowed and brows scrunched suspiciously.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Remus smirked, “Lily and I talk, you know.”

The wounded expression was enough for Remus to worry he had crossed a line, but Lily yelled from across the deck, “oh, don’t be so offended, Sirius. I knew you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about this and we wanted to tell Mum and Da in person.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOU TWO WERE TALKING ABOUT? I can’t believe you told my boyfriend before me! This is an outrage!” he yelled, gesticulating wildly. His initial shock and kicked puppy expression was gone, transformed into his usual theatrical excitement.

With his parents watching them in confused amusement, Remus took a deep breath. In for a penny, in for a pound, he pulled the boy to him, looping an arm around his waist while his heart was lodged in his throat. Sirius grumbled but turned into the embrace, resting his long arms over Remus’ shorter shoulders, dangling loosely around his neck as he scowled at him. Wrapping both arms more securely around his narrow waist, Remus searched his face, looking for any remaining trace of offence. Glancing over his shoulder to be sure the others were sufficiently distracted again, he hesitantly reached up, pushing Sirius’ hair away from his face.

“She only told me this morning when I asked if she was alright. And Lily thought it would be funny, don’t be angry,” he murmured, trying to pour all his honesty into the statement so that he wouldn’t feel betrayed by his best friends.

Sirius was still, lips slightly parted as he gazed down at Remus. “s’all right.” He smiled crookedly, “it _is_ pretty funny, was just surprised.”

“You’re going to be a godfather.”

“I can’t believe it, I’m so excited. That little sprog is going to be the most loved and spoiled kid ever.”

"I believe it. I can tell, you'll be fantastic at it."

Sirius' expression was soft and Remus tried to ignore the way he could feel the muscles in his back slowly relaxing under his fingertips.

Effie clapped her hands together and the boys jumped apart as if shocked, “well, I don’t think that I can settle back down enough to continue eating, how about we go early over to mini golf then? Beat the heat?” Everyone hastily agreed and walked together toward the garages. If Remus sped up his steps to walk with James, well, that was just because he was looking a bit unsteady on his feet after all those mimosas.


	5. Escapade

escapade | \ ˈe-skə-ˌpād \ | _noun_

_a wild and exciting undertaking (not necessarily lawful)_

 

◆

 

When Mrs. Potter suggested they "go early and beat the heat," Remus guessed she hadn't realised how late it was already, and how much later it would be by the time they managed to cram everyone into one vehicle and drive all the way into town. It had already been warm out that morning at brunch, but was positively sweltering when they arrived. As the group unloaded in the car park, heat shimmered in the air above the pavement, rising up to lick at their exposed skin.

The mini golf course itself was nothing like the shitty little one Remus had gone to as a kid, when his cousins were in town and his mum needed something to distract them for a few hours for the sake of her sanity. That one had been small and flat, with paint peeling from all the obstacles and decorations, trampled no-longer-green turf and sickeningly-artificial-green water.

This one was next to the clubhouse for a golf course, with actual, real, green grass and brilliant tropical flowers poking their heads between the cracks and crevices of the pirate themed course. As they approached, James pointed out a sign, black letters swirling across artfully weathered wood. 

"No dogs allowed, sorry Padfoot, looks like you have to wait in the car."

Sticking out one of his long legs, Sirius tripped him, sending James sprawling on the grass, before stepping over his body. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you're not clever enough to come up with a new joke and have to rely on the same one year after year. I mean, how many times did you leave Lily a bouquet of lilies at school, despite her dropping them in your tea, every single time, without fail. Yet somehow, you expected different results, each time you tried it."

“It worked out in the end didn’t it? At least I’m pathetic and married while you’re just pathetic.” James shoved himself up off the ground and took off running, beating Sirius to the desk where they paid for the game.

Mrs. Potter sighed sufferingly, long dark fingers daintily pinching the bridge of her nose as the boys wrestled on the ground over the black golf ball. Sirius because it was 'obviously the most punk rock' and James because Sirius wanted it. Lily linked her arm through her mother-in-law's consolingly. 

"Remus, I really hope you can have a positive influence on him. Lily is trying her best, but maybe if Sirius is reigned in James will calm down even a little bit. Then we might be able to go nice places, like real adults"

"Of course, Effie. I'll try my best," Remus replied easily, smiling at the smaller woman. 

Walking up to the bucket, he stepped over the two boys and plucked out the red ball, casually tossing it in the air and catching it as Sirius rose victoriously clutching the black one in his hand and fixing his hair. James grabbed a handful of different colours and skipped off to catch up with his parents and wife, yelling over his shoulder that he was going first.

Surveying the course before them, Remus took in the multitude of obstacles and towering pirate ship. Under his breath so only Sirius would hear, he casually said, "bet I can 'accidentally' lose my ball without anyone getting suspicious more times than you."

"You're on, Lupin."

Clearly taking the challenge seriously, Sirius tied his hair up in a bun. Remus swallowed thickly and looked away, walking over to join the others at the first hole.

True to his word, James had already putted by the time Remus and Sirius joined them, having gone first. Both he and his mother had been shockingly close to the hole after only one hit, while Lily made a good showing, and Mr. Potter an absolutely abysmal one.

Sirius stepped up, dropping his black ball on the grass and rolling it into place with his black trainers, while Remus tried not to stare at the way his incredibly skinny black jeans, riddled with rips, left very little to the imagination. He told himself it was purely out of concern for the fact he was obviously going to roast to death under the sun, all for the purpose of upholding his punk rock image.

Despite his own horrible shot, Fleamont laughed outright when his son sent the ball sailing. "Sirius, that swing was entirely too hard."

"Sorry, Da, it's been a while since we've done this."

"A year, to be exact."

"Right, it's been a year, and I _have_ been working out." He flexed dramatically, winking at Remus, before jogging over to fetch his ball from two holes away.

Remus rolled his eyes, playing it cool with a purposely bad shot that remained on the green, but quite far from the hole. He hadn't accounted for the fact that Sirius' family was so used to him being over-the-top that they wouldn't be all that suspicious. However, he was in it for the long haul and was sure that by setting the bar low on the first course while Sirius distracted everyone else with his theatrics, he could absolutely win this bet.

It wasn't until the third hole and the first water feature that he started to up the ante. He managed to hit a rock obstacle hard enough to bounce the ball clear off the green and into, what was marked by a wooden sign as, 'the watery depths.'

Balancing on the rock, he spied his red ball a few feet from the edge. "Sirius, can you come get my ball out of the water?"

His boyfriend narrowed his eyes at him while trying not to laugh, "you're the one who hit it there, do it yourself!"

"It was an aaaaaccident!" he batted his eyes innocently, "and I don't want to get my shirt dirty laying to reach it, and you're already covered in dirt from wrestling with James."

Sirius sighed in resignation, before laying on the grass to reach out as far as he could and pull the ball from the water. James came running across the grass doing a bad impersonation of, what Remus could only assume was, a top secret spy before making a dive to push Sirius in the water. At the last second, Sirius rolled out of the way, sending James sliding in on his stomach face first with a splash.

Hopping to his feet like nothing happened, Sirius pecked Remus' cheek with a quick kiss and deposited the drippng ball in his hand.

When a few holes later at number 7, Sirius managed to chip his ball up into a treasure chest that tipped over and spilled plastic crystals and booty all over the course, Remus felt no remorse in pointing to Sirius when Mrs. Potter scowled at them accusingly. Unfortunately, it appeared Sirius also had no qualms about pointing at him. Luckily, the fact Remus was still _holding_ his red ball, while a black one was guiltily lying in the midst of the shimmering shapes, cleared that up rather quickly. When she turned away from them, Remus stuck his tongue out in a sign of victory, to which Sirius shoved his face away laughing.

At some point, James realised neither boy was competing with him, and instead turned it into a game of 'knock Lily's ball away from the hole.' Sometime after Remus lost his ball in a pirate statue's boot, but before Sirius shot his into a cannon, Mr. Potter produced a flask of something strong enough to burn a man's eyebrows off. 

He called it "fire whiskey," and Remus found it to be an apt name. The liquid burned all the way down, before settling like a fire in his stomach. Everything around him burned brighter, even after just one sip. Passing off to James, he tried and failed not to stare at Sirius with his arm draped over Lily’s shoulders, feeling unreasonably jealous of the casual and comfortable nature of their touches. Several strands had escaped from his bun by now, hanging loose around his cheeks, while tendrils at his hairline curled up in the humidity and clung to his flushed face. He was heart-achingly beautiful, even as a sweaty and probably sunburned mess, and Remus bathed in the warm glow of just being allowed to be near him.

There was a coffee shop closer to his apartment than theirs, but their coffee and baked goods were undeniably better. And if Remus woke up early when he would rather sleep in on his Saturday mornings, trekked across town with his heavy satchel of papers to grade, just to be sure he was there when Sirius was, to catch the occasional glimpse of his easy smile and hear his frequent barking laughter, well, that was just a coincidental bonus to better coffee.

Effie paused at the next hole, noting that everyone else had fallen far behind again, turning to see them passing the container between them. "How many times do we need to have the 'drink responsibly' conversation?!" Effie fussed, frantically looking around to see that no one was watching them.

James raised the flask, exclaiming "you heard the lady, lads! Drink responsibly: don’t spill," before taking a hearty swig, to which he _almost_ didn't cough.

Lily grabbed him by his hand dragging him to his mother and forcing him to putt to keep the game going, which at this point had devolved into absent minded, one-handed swings in the general direction of the hole. Fleamont trailed them and Remus watched, smiling wistfully, letting the love and happiness of their small but growing family wash over him.

A warm hand slipped into his own, and he looked up startled, into almond eyes, laugh lines, the swirling grey of storm clouds over the sea that made him think there were things worth drowning for. Sirius hesitantly linked their fingers together, studying Remus’ face, eyes darting back and forth across the freckled constellations. His adam’s apple bobbed, Remus’ eyes snapping back to his face when he cleared his throat and spoke. 

“Shall we, then?”

Remus nodded quickly, letting himself be led by their linked hands. They arrived in time to see Lily gently tap her ball into the hole, the group having skipped over Remus and Sirius’ turn while they lallygagged behind. Sirius dropped his hand, surveying the course and picking at the handle of his club, not meeting his eyes.

“Bet I can hit the parrot.”

Confused, Remus scanned the elements before them, before spying the wooden parrot statue in question, perched on a pirate’s shoulder.

“Yeah, there’s no way you’ll hit that.”

Cocking an eyebrow challengingly, the dark-haired man made a show of lining up, wiggling his butt and shifting from foot to foot as he eyed the target. Remus backed up, clear of the swing range with extra room to spare, just before the club came back and down again, making contact with a dull ping. The black sphere was easy to pick out as it sailed through the air, admirably close to the parrot, but passing harmlessly over the pirate’s shoulder.

“Do over!!”

“Nooooope!”

Remus shoved him away from the line, toeing his own ball into place. Closing one eye and using his thumb to line up, he swung. The red ball shot true, hitting the bird square in the chest, and tearing it from it’s perch with a sickening crunch.

Heads snapping to one another, both boys stared at each other wide eyed, before taking of sprinting, snatching their respective golf balls on the way, before catching up with the group with the innocent expressions reserved for only those clearly guilty.

Lily’s squinted accusingly, looking back and forth between the two, "what have you been doing? Actually, don't answer that. I don't want to know.”

Mrs. Potter just sighed in defeat, “at least we’re at the last hole…maybe we’ll be gone before they find out whatever it was you two just did. Or broke. Or stole.”

Sirius just smiled sweetly, kissing his mum on the cheek.

 

◆

 

Emerging from the bathroom that night, Remus’ mind was still buzzing and awake despite the exhausting heat of the day, his body used to staying up much later grading. Retrieving a book from his bag, he tossed it onto a padded window seat.

Sirius was dozing, but still semi-conscious. “Will this light keep you up?” he whispered, gesturing toward the small light in the nook, perfect for a late night reading session.

Shaking his head no, Sirius rolled over facing him, burrowing under the blankets, and tugging them to his chin with long sleepy blinks. “S’alright.”

Flipping off the overhead light, Remus crossed the room, cursing when he stubbed his toe on a bed post and ignoring the chuckle he heard from the other man. The window seat was piled with pillows and a cream knit blanket that Remus promptly wrapped himself in, leaning comfortable against the wall and letting himself fall into the pages of a new book.

He drifted off like that at some point in the wee hours of the morning, waking to the sound of shifting and struggling. He leaned forward, blinking back the sleep and scanning the room for danger, before realising it was Sirius in the bed. As Remus watched, his thrashing became more violent and he quickly jumped from the window seat, flying to Sirius’ side of the bed.

Shaking his shoulder, he said “Sirius. Sirius, wake up, you’re dreaming.”

Eyes flew open wide, shining eerily bright in the moonlight before he sat up gasping for air, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Hey, it’s alright. Just a dream.”

Sirius shrugged his hand off, rising from the bed still struggling for air. “Yeah. Yeah, uhm, thanks.” His voice was scratchy and shaking so badly, Remus stretched his hand out again, but stopped himself. “I’m just.. going to get a drink. Go to sleep, Remus.”

“Er, yeah. Alright…”

He watched the other man’s back as he left the room, before slowly climbing under the covers and trying to ignore the smokey spiced scents coming from Sirius’ side. He lay awake for a while, until resigning himself to the realisation that it was unlikely Sirius was coming back to bed and drifting off to sleep.


	6. Mercurial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I finally forced myself to stop adding on to this chapter >.> enjoy a long one (that really could have been even longer)

mercurial |  \ (ˌ)mər-ˈkyu̇r-ē-əl \ | _adjective_

_characterised by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood_

 

◆

 

The sun was just barely painting the cloudless sky in shades of blushing pink and ripe peach when Remus dragged himself out of bed, pausing only to wrap the knit blanket from the window seat around his shoulders as he left the room. The house was silent but for the shuffle of his feet on the stone floors, until he was within hearing distance of the kitchen, where sweet and unmistakable baritone notes drifted through the arched doorway.

Remus paused, leaning in the arch and resting his head against it, smiling softly at the scene before him. Sirius’ hair was tied in a messy knot, with large bits having escaped and become dusted in flour. He moved easily through the room, singing beautifully in French, completely in his element. Every inch of every countertop was covered in ingredients, cooling racks, and a full array of baked items, ranging from cookies to breads, and everything in between. 

The air in the room was filled with the smell of sugar and was stiflingly hot, even in the early hour, as a result of both ovens going. Remus could see beads of sweat rising on the back of Sirius’ neck, before sliding down and disappearing under the collar of his shirt. When he bent over to pull a sheet from the oven, the hem rose up to expose flushed expanses of pale skin. Remus’ heart pounded painfully in his chest as he tried to push away unbidden images of leaning over that beautiful body, of being the cause of that flush, instead of the oven. 

Sirius pulled out the tray, bumping the door closed with his hip and turned around, freezing when he saw Remus standing there. Swallowing thickly, Remus willed the blush away from his cheeks, suddenly thankful for the warm room. With his singing gone, the silence of the early morning felt suddenly fragile, on the precipice of being shattered. Sirius snapped his mouth closed and Remus’ eyes drifted down to the black apron with a white cursive script he had tied around him.

A startled laugh escaped his lips, and he covered his mouth with the edge of the blanket as he started to giggle uncontrollably. Sirius smiled, dumping the contents of the tray hap-hazardously on the waiting tea towel spread on the counter in front of him. He dropped the tray on and mitts on the stove, wiping his hands on the offending apron as he crossed the room to where Remus stood still laughing at him.

He stopped suddenly when Sirius wrapped his arms around his waist, gently pulling Remus against him. “Are you laughing at me?” he whispered.

Remus melted, leaning sleepily against the other man, fitting his head under his chin and closing his eyes. He hummed in acknowledgement. “Maybe,” he mumbled. Sirius smelled strongly of chocolate, but his usual spicy scent also lingered under it. He held his breath as long fingers trailed up his spine, burning a trail even through his shirt and the blanket wrapped around him.

"You have a nice laugh, you should do it more often."

His mind was still mostly asleep, and in the quiet of the early morning, it was easy to forget this was all for show. That the soft sincerity in Sirius' voice didn't mean more.

"You should be funny more often."

“Are you saying I’m _not_ trophy husband material?”

He snorted a small laugh, and felt Sirius shiver as his breath ghosted against his neck. “You’re pretty enough to be,” he whispered.

Sirius was quiet, his fingers stilling. “You think I’m pretty?”

Remus opened his eyes, realising he had just said that out loud. He pulled back, extracting himself from Sirius’ arms, refusing to look at him. Coughing, he tried to clear his throat and think of a subject change fast, “you didn’t come back to bed, just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“You aren’t having nightmares again are you, Pads?”

Remus looked over his shoulder, grateful he had pulled away from Sirius when he did. He didn’t want to think about what James would have to say about the two of them hugging in the kitchen at sunrise with no one around to see it. Undoubtedly something teasing and domestic.

James was frowning as he walked up to Sirius, poking him in the side as Sirius played with his hair, looking away. “It’s nothing.”

Hands on his hips, James surveyed the kitchen. “Nothing, my ass. We could feed an army. We’ll pick up some Melatonin in town when we go. I’m assuming you ran out and refused to buy more yourself, bloody prat.” 

He reached over to grab one of the croissants that had just come out of the oven, but Sirius slapped his hand. “Those are for Remus, they’re chocolate.”

James gave Sirius a funny look, staring at him questioningly, eyes roaming his face. “All of them?”

“Well, and they’re hot. I don’t want you to burn yourself, I just took them from the oven. Let them cool.” With that, he pulled his apron over his head, hanging it on a hook as he swept out of the room.

James watched him leave before looking at Remus. “Don’t look at me, I don’t have a clue.”

He shook his head in resignation, but Remus wasn’t convinced that James didn’t know more of what was going on in his brother’s head than he let on.

 

◆

 

When Sirius had told him that his parents had a boat, it had been wrapped in a mess of other information surrounding the trip, so Remus hadn’t really considered it in the moment. As he walked down the dock, breathing deeply of the fresh ocean air in the early morning, he stopped and gazed on a beautiful sailing yacht with envy. Even he, who knew admittedly little, knew it was a beautiful day for sailing, with calm sparkling water and good winds. The wood was a warm honey colour and Remus looked forward to basking on it in the sun, enjoying the peace and quiet of the wide open water. 

That is, until Sirius sprinted past him, carrying James on his back with his arm outstretched like he was leading a cavalry into battle. They passed the sailboat, running further down the Potter's dock, before throwing themselves into a smaller speed boat.

When Sirius had emerged from showering, it had been in a whirlwind of exaggerated shouts of excitement and superlative gestures. His parents seemed unfazed by his euphoria, while Lily was irritable and nauseous to the point of ignorance and paid him no attention beyond being annoyed with his noise. This left only James and Remus to exchange worried glances as they prepared to leave. However, by the time they left for the docks and a day of boating, it appeared James had given in to Sirius’ antics and decided it best to just encourage him.

Remus sighed, just as Lily walked up next to him holding one side of a large, flat inflatable tube. “I promise, it’ll be just as bad as you’re imagining,” she said dryly, nodding toward the two who were now opening random hatches and starting up the boat. 

“They’re entertaining, to say the least,” Mrs. Potter contributed, holding the other end of the tube.

Taking one last glance at the significantly larger sailboat, he sighed again, shoulders slumping in resignation of a long day on a small boat with an overly-tired, sensitive Sirius, and a hormonal, irritated Lily. Plastering a smile on his face, he held out his hand “let me take that end from you, Effie.”

He and Lily hauled the massive, towable floaty into the back seating area of the boat, wedging it between the benches so that it wouldn't fly away before they got out to the open water. Mr. Potter appeared on the dock, carrying a large cooler, and Remus hurried to accept it as he lowered it down into the boat. James took one end and showed him where it fit in the floor near the captain's chair, and that there were drinks inside he was welcome to help himself to.

In no time at all, the boat was jetting off through the water, fast enough that a thin mist rose up spraying their faces, but not so fast that they couldn't still stand in the seating area at the prow. James hadn't even bothered wearing a shirt to begin with and planted himself at the front, kneeling on a bench with his arms spread wide to greet the rushing air. Sirius tore his off with a whoop, swinging it in circles over his head in celebration.

"Remus! Take your shirt off!"

"No, thanks."

"Come onnnnn!" Sirius whined, but Remus just rolled his eyes and moved to check on Lily, who was sitting in the corner looking green and grumpy. She asked him to find where she had laid her bag, and when he brought it back to her she withdrew a large bag of Sirius' cookies. When she explained he had been thoughtful enough to make her ginger cookies in hopes it would settle her stomach when she had bouts of morning sickness, he was both glad and disappointed to hear that he was not the only one the other man had made something special for.

He didn't miss the frequent glances Sirius sent in his direction, nor the way he was overly affectionate and physical with everyone except him, but studiously ignored it. He had just stood to retrieve a book from his backpack when Sirius decided to badger him again.

"Remus. Remy. We're on a boat.”

From behind him, James yelled “WE’RE ON A BOAT!”

“It's bloody hot out, I can see you're sweating. No one's going to judge how moonlit white you are. You could take your shirt off."

Crossing his arms protectively around himself he took a step back, trying to retreat but there was very little space within which to move. "You could just drop it."

"Or you could just take off your shirt."

"Why are you being so insistent?"

Sirius didn't back down, stepping into his personal space, and verbally pushing him. "Why are you being self-conscious?"

"Why do you care?" Remus spat back, reaching the end of his patience.

Sirius recoiled as if he had been slapped, eyes wide and mouth open. Remus refused to back down, his hackles and defences high as he held Sirius' eyes. Lily was the one to break the moment, motioning for Fleamont to stop the boat. She rose, grabbing Sirius' by the shoulders and spinning him around toward James. 

"You two go out on the tube."

Sirius snapped at her, "I don't have to listen to-"

"Now, Sirius.” Her tone brokered no room for argument, and James stepped in grabbing Sirius by the arm. He hauled him to the back, attached the long rope ,and dropped the flat inflatable pod in the water, before climbing on it.

Remus slumped down into a seat, his intention to get his book forgotten as he turned his back on the two boys, staring resolutely out to sea. Lily ignored the now multiple available seats, motioning for him to scoot forward so she could sit next to him, her back pressed to his so she could watch them.

They set off again, much faster this time. The air whipped through his hair, pressure building in his chest from the speed, but he relished in it, allowing it to ground him and slowly pull him out of his bout of defensive anger. Every so often Lily would raise her hand and the boat would slow to a stop for a bit, before setting off again. Finally, Remus gave in to his curiosity and asked her what she was doing.

"I'm spotting them. Every time one gets thrown off, I raise my hand so Da knows to stop and let them swim back."

"They're flying off with us going this fast?! Doesn't that hurt?"

"I think that's part of what they find fun.” She smiled indulgently and he studied the way her face softened as she watched the two.

There was so much love reflecting in her eyes it caused his heart to pang painfully in his chest, so he twisted himself around and redirected his gaze out toward the objects of her attention. They were both holding on tight to the woven handles that went around the perimeter, but even as their bodies lifted off with the speed they were going at, they leaned and shoved one other with their shoulders, trying to dislodge one another. He imagined she was right, that flying off was part of the fun, just another one of their competitions. But, he could also tell that right now it was a way for Sirius to release some aggression and frustration that had been building all morning and reached a boiling point when Remus had lashed out at him. 

As he watched, James lost his grip and went flying through the air, crashing in the water with a painful-sounding slap and huge splash. Lily raised her hand and the boat stopped. James resurfaced, shaking his head and sending water droplets flying from his messy hair. 

"Who has flown off more?"

"Only James has, so far."

"We've stopped more than a half dozen times!"

She hummed in agreement and Remus sighed. He stood and she looked up at him questioningly.

"Tell him to come in and let me go... I'm the one Sirius' is brassed off with. Let me take the brunt for a bit."

Lily stood, following Remus through the opening between where the Potter parents were seated at the helm, and to the back. She crouched down, grabbing the rope and pulling on it, towing the boys in with Sirius on top and James holding on but still in the water.

"Wotcher, Lily?" James shouted.

"You come keep me company for a bit and let Rem have a turn at being Sirius' whipping boy."

James flicked his eyes to Remus with a flash of concern, before paddling his way to the ladder and hauling himself back up onto the boat, dripping small pools of water at Lily's feet. He held the tube steady as Remus clumsily climbed onto it, settling on his stomach next to Sirius, who had yet to say a word.

The boat started up again, slowly at first. The rope stretched out until they were towed behind, picking up speed with the wind whipping through his hair. pushing his curls into his eyes and mouth. Remus held on tight to the handle, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Before he knew what was happening though, he was hit from the side, losing his grip in shock he was sent flying through the air.

He landed with a hard splash, water shooting up his nose and in his mouth, before he kicked himself back to the surface. He came up coughing hard, the salt water burning his lungs. When he could finally breathe again, he wiped the water from his eyes, blinking into the blinding sunlight to find the boat several metres ahead. Sirius was kneeling on the tube facing him, his eyebrows raised and eyes wide until Remus began to paddle back, accepting his hand without a word as he climbed back on.

Crouched on his hands and knees, he coughed a bit more, ridding the last of the water from his windpipes before straightening up on his knees. Shading his eyes, he gave Lily a weak smile and a thumbs up to continue. Just before he could lay back down on his stomach, he caught Sirius staring at his chest, cheeks flushed red from the sun. He panicked for a moment, before realising that his shirt was still on, albeit, now soaking wet and clung to skin tightly, but nothing to worry about.

Sirius looked away, mumbling moodily, "at least make it a challenge."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, your highness. I will try harder, but your harrumph just weighs so much, I'm not sure I can dislodge it." He laid down again, adjusting his hands on the handles differently now that he knew how it felt with the boat going. Next to him, Sirius did the same.

The second time Remus went flying, it took a lot more effort on Sirius' part. The struggled back and forth, shoulders pressed together, tube swinging like a pendulum behind the boat. They hit a large wave, both their bodies lifting off the tube, but momentum was in Sirius' favour. He swung into Remus, almost losing his hold himself, as Remus went tumbling off. He rolled off the side, plunging into the cool water much more easily and less painfully, taking time to relish the feeling of weightlessness before he broke the surface again.

Sirius sat on the edge of the tube, legs dangling over the side. Remus dove under, strong arms and legs propelling him through the water until he could see the blue tinged feet. Wrapping both arms around his calves, he yanked Sirius in.

When they both resurfaced Sirius shoved a wave of water in Remus' laughing face, before throwing himself on the other man's shoulders. They tumbled under again before Remus regained his balance and treaded with Sirius latched onto his back. He held on to the side of the floaty, Sirius's arms wrapped around his neck, skin warm against his back.

Growling, he said, "I'm going to get you back for that."

"Get me back? That was my payback to you!" Remus laughed.

Sirius buried his face in his arms, against the side of Remus' head. His hair was wet, the strands sticking to Remus' cheek. Unthinkingly, Remus ducked his head, pressing a kiss to the salty arm wrapped around his neck. 

"How about a break? I'm famished."

"Yeah, alright," Sirius replied, voice cracking.

Shading his eyes, Remus saw Lily and James sitting on the edge of the boat, feet dangling in the water as they watched them.

“Pull us in?” Remus shouted.

James gave the thumbs up, grabbing hold of the rope and towing them in. Sirius released him when they got close, swimming the rest of the way and hopping up next to James and grabbing him by the arm. “We’ll go get the food out.”

Remus hoisted himself up, sitting next to Lily as he rung his shirt out over the edge.

“Are you two alright now, then?”

He grabbed another chunk of shirt, twisting it until no more water ran out. “Who bloody knows. He hardly slept last night and has been moody all morning. He’ll put on a show pretending to be fine, then blow up, and then hug me. I won’t pretend to know whether we’re alright now or not, but at least he isn’t taking it out on James.” He stood up, holding his hand down to help Lily to her feet. “Did the ginger cookies help, then?”

“With the nausea, but not with the wanting to bash James and Sirius’ heads together.”

“Ah, well, it’s debatable whether that has to do with the pregnancy or their personalities…”

“What about our personalities?!” James yelled.

“Nothing, dear. Sit down and eat.” Effie patted James on the cheek, throwing a wink at Remus.

 

◆

 

A not-so-surprising turn of events had the group walking home from dinner with Lily not speaking to James, which may or may not have been in response to an interpretive dance of his love for Sirius, culminating in a stunning finale of her screaming at James that he should sleep with Sirius tonight in that case. When they reached the house she swept past them all and stomped up the stairs, the slam of the bedroom door echoing down the hall of the otherwise silent house.

James sighed, trudging up the stairs to try and make amends. Sirius motioned toward the kitchen, not quite meeting Remus’ eyes. “I’m going to put all the… excess baked goods away and then I’ll be up.”

Remus nodded absently, retreating to their room to prepare for bed. The saltwater had left his curls soft and moderately controlled, and his shirt stiff and streaked with the white mineral. He didn’t need a mirror to know his face was sunburned, but what hurt the most was the result of that first toss from the inner tube. The impact with the water had left him aching, he dreaded tomorrow if he was hurting this badly already.

While Sirius was out of the room, Remus ducked into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door as he twisted, pulling his shirt up enough to try and see his side in the mirror. Just as he expected, a massive bruise was blossoming across his ribs. Tinged red and swollen at the edges, it quickly darkened to eggplant purple and held promises of midnight blacks in the centre. He took a deep breath, relieved to find no sharp pains from the bones. Just a bruise, then.

He was about to lower his shirt when he heard the sharp hiss of intake breath behind him. Dropping the hem he spun around, facing Sirius who was still staring at his side, despite the fabric now covering it. He appeared to be frozen in place, so Remus casually stepped around him to retrieve his pyjamas from the dresser, intent on pretending he hadn’t seen it. When he turned around again though, the other man was staring at the ground, hands and jaw clenched.

"Just a little bruise," he lied, voice light.

Sirius looked up, his face pained and wracked with guilt. He stepped toward Remus slowly, his hand coming up to rest on his cheek. Remus hardly dared to breathe. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"It's just a bruise, I'll be fine Sirius."

"That's not what I meant."

Remus took a shaky breath, the hand on his cheek heavy and warm.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to see me naked,” he blurted out.

Sirius' gaze searched him, perhaps hoping for the 'why' of the matter to be printed across his freckled cheeks.

"That's why I said no sex as part of the agreement. I mean, besides the whole don't know each other, sort of thing, but like you said people fuck all the time without knowing. But I don't want you seeing me-"

"It's fine Remus. I said I'm sorry, and I mean it. I shouldn't have pushed you. That was unfair and inconsiderate of me. You don't have to take your shirt off if you don't want to.”

He looked down, fidgeting with the shirt and shorts in his hands. Not for the first time, he wished he didn't have scars to hide. It was easy to say he didn't care, that he was proud of them and who he had fought to become, when it didn't matter to him whether the person on the other side accepted him or not. He was perfectly happy alone. He was competent and confident and self-sufficient. 

But Sirius was beautiful. He was beautiful, and witty, and mischievous. He matched Remus tit for tat in everything they did. And while Remus _knew_ Sirius would probably be fine with it, he couldn't push away the image of that beautiful face contorted in disgust and rejection for a split second before he laughed it off, said it was fine, but distanced himself from Remus. Even though it was the tiniest of chances, Remus couldn't stand the idea of risking the friendly affection he received from the other, just to see it twisted into a spectre of its previous sentiment.

Yes, he was fine on his own. And he would enjoy this time with Sirius, without risking polluting the remaining memories to be made with the shadow of discomfort.

He realised he must have been quiet for too long when a long finger hooked under his chin, raising it to look into storming grey eyes.

Sirius opened and closed his mouth as if to speak several times only to stop again. "Remus, I-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Sirius sighed, dropping his hand and looking back down at his feet. Remus hesitated, before pulling it open to find James standing despondently on the other side. “Lily locked me out.”

Quickly locking away his turbulent emotions, Remus cocked an eyebrow at him, “I know she said to sleep with Sirius, but aren’t there approximately _million_ guest rooms to choose from? Why are you here?”

“Oh, I’m _sorry,_ ” he put a hand on his chest in exaggeration, “I didn’t mean to intrude, am I _interrupting_ time with your _boyfriend?_ ”

Remus stepped back, throwing the door open wide and waving him in. “Please, come in.” 

He didn’t miss James’ shit-eating grin when he skipped past him, nor the way Sirius was massaging his head in a show of frustration. As soon as he saw Remus looking at him though, he grinned as well, throwing his arms around James’ neck and kissing him sloppily on the cheek. 

_Guess we're back to a theatrical mask_ , he thought, closing the door behind James.

“Hey Jamie! Need some pjs?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he said, before dropping his trousers and pulling his shirt off, tossing it in the pile, and jumping on their bed. 

Remus ran a hand down his face, taking a deep breath, and then locking himself in the bathroom for his nightly routine. Through the door he could hear whispering turn into terse muffled words before a loud thump that sounded like a body hitting the floor. Slightly concerned (but only slightly) he wiped the toothpaste from his face with the back of his hand, opening the door to peer cautiously out. 

It turned out to be _two_ bodies on the floor, engaged in wrestling match. Remus stepped over them, but just as he was about to be in the clear, James grabbed him by the ankle and sent him sprawling on the ground as well. James moved to throw himself on Remus, and would have landed right on his bruised side, had Sirius not grabbed James by the waist, yanking him to the side at the very last second.

Remus, who had shut his eyes, bracing himself for a painful impact, blinked them open again one at a time when it didn't come. Sirius had James pinned under him, "don't touch my boyfriend, you wanker."

"Oh come off it, Pads. He's not your boyfriend, and isn't made of glass."

"I'm serious James, don't touch him. I already beat up on him enough in the water. He doesn't need your bloody ego weighing him down as well."

James scowled and rolled his eyes mockingly, but didn't protest further. Remus scrambled to his feet, tossing his dirty clothes toward the dresser before claiming his spot in the bed. Sirius yanked the covers back, dropping into the centre as James turned off the light. He found himself entirely too aware of his breathing and every nerve ending in his body, and the exact proximity he was from Sirius, which was _much_ closer than they had slept the previous nights.

When James climbed in the bed, it was with a flurry of elbows, yelps, and shuffling from the other two, that managed to make Remus less nervous and more exasperated. _This_ was a sleepover, he told himself. He could handle this.

"Will you two settle down tonight, or am I going to be exhausted tomorrow from babysitting all night?"

"Oi, you're not my real dad."

"Yeah, Rem, have some fun. Don't you want to snuggle with us?"

Remus turned his head, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dark, to find Sirius as James' little spoon. "You two are insufferable."

Sirius reached out trying to grab him, but he dodged the hand, wedging a pillow between them. Sirius smirked, and Remus realised he had just made it worse. Next, he reached out with his toes, the frigid digits causing him to yelp in surprise. 

He sat up on his elbows, glowering down at the two giggling full grown men. Grabbing all the spare pillows from behind him, he built a wall between he and Sirius. While he did so, James insisted that he was no fun, and how could he possibly be tired, and what an old man he must be.

Settling back down, he sighed happily at the quiet that _finally_ settled on the room.

He should have known it was too good to last though. "What do you think would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon?" 

Remus throw his arm over his eyes in frustration, "Sirius, I'm giving you one more chance, to shut the fuck up."

A beat ticked by. Then another. Just when he thought he was in the clear, James sat up straight. "Wait, what _would_ happen?!"

He felt Sirius shift next to him excitedly, "I bet they could just stay on the dark side all the time and never transform, right?"

Grabbing the closest pillow, Remus flipped himself over so that he was half on top of Sirius, too tired to even contemplate the compromising situation, he shoved the pillow on his beautiful face. James cheered before yelling, "PILLOW FIGHT!"


	7. Fluster

fluster | \ˈflə-st(ə-)riŋ\ |  _transitive verb_

_to put into a state of agitated confusion or nervousness_

 

◆

 

The sound of heavy rain pattering against the glass panes echoed off the walls of the bedroom. Remus refused to open his eyes, because that would mean he was awake, and he wasn't ready to be awake or leave the warm cocoon he was wrapped in. As such, he resolutely kept his eyes shut, wiggling deeper under the blankets and burying his face in the soft pillow. It was as he shifted around, that he realised the warm comfort was not entirely from the feathery blanket, as the arm around his waist pulled him closer.

Startled, he blinked his eyes open. Reluctantly unburying his face from the pillow and with heavy lids, struggled to make sense of his surroundings. The bed hangings were still open, but the room was dark, only dim grey light filtering through the windows. There was an arm beneath his pillow, leading up to a worn, black t-shirt with "The Fratelli's," so faded that the letters were barely visible anymore. Remus reached out tentative fingers, ghosting over the soft fabric, feeling the vibration of the sleepy hum he received in response.

Sirius' long hair spilled over, pooling like ink in the small gap between their pillows, rippling as he shifted closer. Remus held his breath as the other man tangled their legs together, pulling Remus against his chest and burying his nose in his curls.

Dreaming. He had to be dreaming. This couldn’t possibly actually be happening, he was never that lucky. Besides, Sirius was _never_ here in the morning. However, the scents of smoke and spice that enveloped him told a very different story, overwhelming his senses with Sirius in the most undeniable and irrefutable way.

"Sirius?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Shhhhhh not yet," his voice was thick, words slurred with sleep.

"But... are you aware you're hugging me?" he whispered.

"Mmmmhmm."

"But..."

Sirius pulled back, looking down at him, his eyebrows furled together.

"Does it make you uncomfortable? I'll stop if you want me to."

Remus shook his head, before shamelessly scooting closer and burying his face in Sirius' chest. "Jus' making sure you realised it was me..."

Sirius hooked his chin on Remus' head, humming in acknowledgement. "Know it's you, Rem."

"Will you two wankers shut up already?" The bed shifted as James rolled over, throwing an arm around both the other boys, making a Sirius-sandwich.

"Shhh, quiet Jamie. Don't scare off my Moonshine, he's letting me cuddle with him."

Remus rolled his eyes, "I'm right here. I can hear you both."

"No you can't," Sirius mumbled.

The words had hardly left his mouth, and he had fallen back asleep. Remus relaxed and decided to do the same.

 

◆

 

  
It was a flash of light that woke Remus some time later. At first he thought it had been lightning, but as he pulled back from his nook, where he had been nestled against Sirius' chest, he was greeted by a bright-eyed Lily, smiling much too wide and clutching her cellphone.

"You're as bad as them," he muttered groggily, rolling over and burying his face again.

The bed dipped as she climbed in behind him, scooting up close and stretching her arm as far as she could around the sleepy pile of boys. Idly, Remus wondered when the last time he had had so much physical contact with other people was.

Sirius leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Mornin', love." His voice was low, but clearly awake. Much more awake than Remus anyway, not that that was particularly difficult.

"You were awake?" he asked.

The other man hummed, and James chuckled. "Of course he was; baker's hours."

"I was just enjoying lounging in bed. I never get to do this," he paused, thinking. "Actually, I really don't _remember_ the last time I did this. And the cuddles were too good to pass up." He emphasised his words but hugging Remus tighter.

"We'll have to do a sleepover like this to break in the new house once we settle on one. Maybe close the coffee shop for a Sunday so we can all sleep in. Then Remus and I won't have school and you two won't need to be up early to open," Lily mused.

Remus startled. "Me?"

"Of course you, silly." She wiggled closer, tickling his side a bit so he squirmed. "You didn't think you'd get rid of us after this trip, did you?"

"I mean. I know- you don't- I'm just-"

A warm kiss pressed against his forehead, his stuttering words choking and cutting off with a small whimper. Lips still against his skin, Sirius murmured, "we're not going anywhere. You're stuck with us now, Remy."

Warmth flooded through his body, filling his lungs and his stomach with brilliant happiness. The light feeling was marred only by the guilt that they accepted him so readily, yet he still hadn't been able to tell Sirius and James he was trans. He wondered if it was a betrayal of their trust and rapidly growing friendship.

The four of them lazed about in bed a while longer, until they reached the unspoken agreement to shuffle down to breakfast in their pyjama's together, James having borrowed some from Sirius after being told he couldn't go in only his pants. As they left the room, Remus saw Lily grab James by the arm, hesitating only a moment before pulling him down for a long and lingering kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, dragging her closer until their bodies were flush against one another. She hid her face against his chest, voice so quiet it was lost in the echoing sound of the heavy rain, but James just smiled, tangling his fingers in her long hair and kissing the top of her head, telling her it was quite alright.

Long fingers filled the empty spaces between his own. Remus looked guiltily away from the tender moment, up at a smiling Sirius who tugged him gently down the hall. They walked slowly, arms swinging between them and heard James and Lily following behind them a few seconds later. It didn't escape his notice that he and Sirius were holding hands out of sight of his parents, the thought turning itself over in his mind like a precious gem; catching the light, different facets illuminated at each different angle.

Sirius' thumb traced a circle on the palm of his hand, pulling him from the thoughts he was lost in. "What are you thinking about?"

His eyes darted to the boy walking next to him, his face uncharacteristically concerned. "Do you hold hands with James a lot?" Remus tried to keep his voice casual, but was sure the tremour would betray the emotions he didn't quite have a grasp on himself.

Sirus' eyebrows furled, confused. "When did I hold hands with James?"

"You didn't, I'm just curious if you do."

He was quiet for a moment, before answering slowly. "I don't really remember a time that I've ever held hands with him, so, no, definitely not a lot. Maybe not never, but certainly not often."

Remus hummed, looking forward again.

"Why?"

He shrugged, feigning a nonchalance he didn't feel and grateful that they had arrived at the sitting room where Mr. and Mrs. Potter were enjoying tea and light breakfast foods. Effie looked the most comfortable and relaxed that Remus had seen her, legs drawn up under her in a plush chair and a half. She wore a simple cotton kameez, paired with modern yoga leggings and had her nose buried in a book, her tea resting forgotten on the table in front of her. Fleamont had one ankle resting on the opposite knee, regally upright despite still being in his dressing gown and his usually perfectly tidy hair completely askew.

James crossed the room, kissing his mother on the cheek in good morning. She finished her paragraph before looking up at them smiling, marking her page and placing it on the low table. She asked how they all had slept as she took a sip of her tea, frowning at the lukewarm temperature. Her husband rose, taking the glass from her to go dump it without her needing to say anything, returning with a fresh steaming pot of tea.

Remus found himself remarkably, startlingly, aching for that sort of relationship. One where the other knew what you wanted and needed before you did, for the silent communication and companionship. Before agreeing to this trip, he had worried the hardest part would be convincing Sirius' parents that they were a couple when they only knew each other in passing. Now, he realised the hardest part was being surrounded by the tender, precious, wonderfully imperfect love that was Lily and James, and their parents, and making it out alive knowing it existed in the world, but that he didn't have it.

His thoughts began to spiral and the feeling of Sirius holding his hand became distant and numb, almost a figment of his imagination rather than a physical presence. He was never going to have this. Never going to have someone to fetch him tea while he was buried in a book. Never going to have someone to curl up with on the couch on stormy mornings. He wouldn't find someone to love his mind, his body, his scars, and his smiles. He wouldn't wake up in a tangle of limbs and fall asleep to forehead kisses, and it was all crashing on him in cold waves like the stormy ocean how much he _wanted_ that. He had been _fine_ scoffing at couples with their pda, mentally chiding them for putting up a front that couldn't possibly live up to their pretence. But here it was. Quiet, behind closed doors, and unassuming. And bloody hell did it hurt.

Belatedly, he realised Sirius was shaking him by their conjoined limbs, quietly trying to get his attention. He was frowning, worried, but Remus' mind helpfully reminded him he didn't actually care. He forced a smile, but was sure it was hardly passable, and pulled his hand away. "Need to use the loo," he muttered.

Backing slowly out of the room, he turned and fled as soon as he was out of sight to the nearest toilet. Closing the door, he sunk to the floor with his back against the wood. He pulled his knees to he chest, resting his forehead and taking several deep breaths, trying to quiet his thoughts. He didn't know how long he sat there before he could feel his hands again and his chest didn't _ache_ and he was no longer hyperaware of his skin not fitting quite right, but he finally was able to stand. He avoided his reflection, but splashed cold water on his face, taking one more long breath before he opened the door.

He jumped, startled at the figure leaning against the wall in the dark hallway, opposite the door. Sirius pushed off, approaching him cautiously. Remus found none of the frustration or irritation he expected from everyone when he has these sort of breakdowns. Rather, only a hesitant questioning in the cock of his head and the sweeping of his gaze. Nonetheless, Remus looked down, twisting his fingers together.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Sirius reached out slowly, giving him time to pull away, before gently resting his hands on his waist. "Is this alright?"

Remus nodded, still not looking up. There's a beat of uncomfortable silence, then another. Then Sirius is pulling him closer and Remus wasn't sure what it meant or whether he deserved it or not, but he threw his arms around the taller man's neck without hesitation anyway. Their bodies melded together, hard lines and angles and muscle giving way to soft fusion. One hand moved up his back, tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck, gently holding his head where it was buried in Sirius' shoulder. The other stroked his back, steady and sure, unyielding and resolved in its conviction to holding Remus against him, unwilling to leave him alone again.

_Sorry, sorry, sorry_

"Shhhhh, it's alright. I've got you." Sirius’ voice was low and so very close, answering the mantra Remus hadn’t realised he had been saying out loud.

They had woken up that morning together, but somehow even being cuddled in bed was not as intimate as this. A shiver clawed through Remus' body as the last of his self-deprecating spiral fled from him. Left in its place was a heaviness in his limbs and a quiet vulnerability, but neither felt as suffocating as they normally did, with Sirius holding his cracked pieces together and hiding him from the world.

Letting out a shaky breath, he pulled back without letting go, look up at Sirius shyly through golden lashes. He wasn't sure what to say, his brain moving sluggishly in search of words. Long fingers carded through his hair, and his eyes slipped shut, head absently turning towards it, and he realised he didn't need to say anything.

He wasn't pretending it didn't happen, or even hoping that Sirius would either. Pressing a gentle kiss to the palm of the hand on his cheek, his lips still against the warm skin, he said, "we should go to town today, since it's raining, and pick up some melatonin while we're there." Looking back up into Sirius' face, he smiled softly, reassuringly.

_You're here for me, and I'll be here for you._

Sirius' half-hearted attempt to shutter his emotions at the reference to his nightmares disappeared from his face, and his shoulders relaxed beneath Remus' arms. He smiled sheepishly down at the other boy.

"I'm glad you finally got some sleep last night, though."

"'s easier with someone there."

"Well, then it's lucky for you, you brought your boyfriend on this trip, hmm?"

Sirius hummed his agreement, amusement crinkling his eyes. "Ready to head back in there, or need a bit more time?"

Everything wasn't alright, and he didn't know whether he would find a love like the Potters', but the uncertainty was no longer crippling and everything didn't feel quite so hopeless knowing he had a friend who would run after him, rather than away from him. Remus pulled back, still smiling, and linked his fingers with Sirius', tugging him along in response. He ducked his head shyly when everyone looked up at their reentry. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, love. Tea?" Lily asked, half rising from the couch. Mr. Potter beat her to it, waving her back down to where she was comfortably seated in the corner. He poured two steaming cups into clean, white porcelain, setting them gently on their saucers in front of the other end of the couch, next to James and Lily.

Sirius sat, leaning against the arm rest, and pulled Remus down next to him and halfway in his lap. Remus harrumphed, but nestled into him, folding he legs up onto the couch with him and leaning against Sirius' side. The rain beat heavily against the window and the conversation steadily picked up where it had paused when they reentered. Remus' hummed and laughed as necessary, but mostly just allowed himself to exist, to watch the two couples and their interactions, and fool himself even with his and Sirius' act.

He reflected on how much harder it was becoming each day to remember it was an act, but as he approached the topic in his mind of _what happens after_ , he decided to leave that for after. If what Lily said earlier was true, then at least he would have them in his life. At least he wouldn't lose them overnight, bereft of their laughter and warmth, and be left alone in his apartment again.

Leaning forward, he fixed his tea, retreating back with his hands wrapped around the warm cup. Sirius was deep in conversation with his father over a recent football match, but he automatically wrapped around Remus again, his hand stroking up and down Remus' arm as he settled back into his spot. He wondered if Sirius knew he was doing it. Was it automatic because someone was near him? Was it for his parents’ benefit? Or was it because it was Remus? His head hurt trying to determine.

Sipping his tea, he took the opportunity to study Sirius up close. His hair was down this morning, falling in thick dark waves over his shoulders, mussed on the top where he ran his fingers through it every so often. His nose was straight, jaw and cheekbones sharp, and it was undeniable that he was beautiful, but Remus had already known that. Now, it was the smaller things he enjoyed being close enough to experience. The tilt of his head when he was thinking about something someone said. The twitch of his lips when he was amused but didn't want James to know, compared to the easy smile he didn't fight at all when his mother spoke to him in playfully scolding tones.

Remus relaxed into him, his shoulder tucked under Sirius' arm, letting his head fall onto Sirius' shoulder. It dawned on him that it had only been a week since their conversation in the coffee shop; it felt like a lifetime ago. He had been so flustered he could barely form sentences or look the man in the eye, but now he felt safe and protected, hiding against his side. He wasn't sure what would happen after this trip, but more than that, he hadn't had time to stop and think what he even _wanted_ to happen after this. Could he transition to being friends with Sirius after pretending to be more for so long? And what about Mr. and Mrs. Potter? The boys had dove into this lie headfirst without an exit strategy. Had Sirius planned to stage a huge dramatic falling out? Was he just going to tell them they decided to be friends?

Remus smiled into his tea thinking that Sirius probably hadn't even thought about that, seeing as he preferred to fly by the seat of his pants. Perhaps he hadn't anticipated growing as close to Remus as he had, just as Remus hadn't anticipated becoming as comfortable with Sirius. Even through his lingering self-deprecation, Remus couldn't deny how well he fit in with the other three at the most basic level. His own version of fun and trouble was quieter than the other boys, but they didn't seem to mind, piling on to his plans and jokes and seemingly genuine in their excitement. He forgot he was staring until Sirius was looking down at him, eyes softening and body relaxing, leaning down he kissed the top of his head, before diving back into the conversation.

 

◆

 

Even hours after the attack, Remus couldn't quite shake the haziness or vulnerability that clung to him like fog to a bay. On their drive to town, Sirius kept shooting him worried glances, but he was grateful that he didn't voice the _are you alright_? It took longer for senses and signals to reach his brain and more than once he stumbled over flat surfaces, and the self-consciousness threatened to send him into another fit at every turn. He didn't notice himself getting wet until Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him under his umbrella. He released him once he was sure he would stay there, but their shoulders still brushed as they walked down the sidewalk.

They ducked into Oliver’s, Sirius shaking out the umbrella and leaving it in the rack by the door. Remus blinked, willing his eyes to focus on his surroundings. The shop was incredibly modern, especially compared to the other ones ones in the small town that were filled with trinkets and knick-knacks, herbs and teas, or casual beach clothing.

The wide wood planks were artfully mismatched in colour featuring deep greys and cool browns that was interesting without being distracting. Warm, dim lighting diffused from Edison bulbs, hanging from strands that were strung in zigzags across the high ceiling of exposed beams. Remus found the neutral colours and simple industrial theme calming. Suit jackets hung from iron pipes on the wall, while shirts were folded neatly into floor to ceiling wooden cubed shelving on the opposite side. The checkout counter was along the wall across from the door, and two employees stood behind it.

A middle-aged woman, with brown hair pulled back from a no-nonsense face into a tight bun, was already helping a business man, going over the details of a custom suit he was ordering. The other, a young man about their age, was on a call and typing away at the computer. He looked up at their entrance, and did a double take at Sirius as he quickly finished his call with the client, assuring them the order was finalised. Even across the length of the long room, Remus could see his eyes go wide as they drifted down Sirius' body, lazily making their way back to his face.

The man crossed the room with a purposeful stride, stopping a few feet from Sirius and snapping his feet together. He rocked back and forth a bit, arms behind his back. "How can I help you today, sir?"

Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes so far they got stuck in the back of his head. The man had perfectly groomed dark-blonde hair, parted and slicked into place, but what annoyed Remus was his voice. Somehow, between the walk from the desk to them, it had transformed into a flashing neon sign of 'I'm gay'. He hated himself a little bit for glancing at Sirius to see if he was into that.

He jumped a bit when Sirius' hand rested on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. "We need to find him a tux for a black-tie event. Did you bring shoes?" The question was addressed at him as an afterthought, and Remus nodded silently that he had. "Right, so just the suit and shirt then. Oh I wonder if Mum would kill us if you wore pink socks..."

Remus strategically poked him in the ribs, a spot he had learned last night was especially ticklish. Sirius cut off a small yelp, acquiescing, "no pink socks, got it." He smiled winningly at the attendant, who was giving Remus a look cold enough to freeze hell over but quickly returned his attention to Sirius.

The man pointed out different styles of jacket and shirt, taking every opportunity to touch Sirius on the arm or shoulder.

_Are you in from out of town?_

_How long are you here for? Have you been to Angelica's before?_

_Oh you have excellent taste._

_Are you sure you don't need something for your self as well?_

Even as he led Remus to stand on a small pedestal, moving around him taking measurements, he managed to not acknowledge Remus' existence at all, as if he were merely a statue that needed measuring, his attention devoted solely to Sirius. Nevertheless, Remus held still, his arms out like instructed and silently musing that for how awful Sirius' family must have been, they at least gave him a fitting name. Without a doubt, he shone the brightest in every room he entered.

This didn't prevent a hard knot from forming in Remus' stomach though with every flirtatious line and lingering touch he witnessed. What was even worse, was that he couldn't get a read on Sirius. Over the past several days, Remus thought he had become adept at reading the other man. Of picking up on his tells, of recognising the twinkle in his eye that meant he was about to do something stupid, or the softening of his forehead when he was content. Of when he was lying or when he was teasing or genuinely happy. But now, he was authoritative and posh, smiling, yet distant. He didn't flirt back at all, but he didn't stop the other man either. It hurt to wonder if Remus were holding him back; if he would have engaged the man more if hadn't been forced to put on the show for his parents. Sirius certainly couldn't hook up with the man, which the other obviously was hoping for, with Remus around and his parents believing Sirius was in a relationship.

So lost in his own misery, Remus nearly dropped the several hangers that were unceremoniously shoved into his hands by the attendant (Anthony? Andre? A something...). He was ushered through a door to a spacious changing room, where he stood, hands clenched around the hangers and head bowed, unable to look in the mirror. He took several long, deep breaths in an attempt to steady himself. He couldn’t blame the guy for flirting with Sirius and ignoring his presence. He knew he wasn't much to look at, but that didn't make it sting any less to be pushed to the side. He supposed he could be upset with Sirius for not telling him Remus was his boyfriend, but his parents weren’t around. There wasn’t a real _reason_ Sirius had to, and Remus didn’t have a real _reason_ for being upset about it.

Letting out a breath, long and slow through his mouth, he hung the hangers and stripped off his clothes, kicking his jeans away with perhaps more force than necessary. He turned and faced the wall, pulling on the black pants, the un-hemmed edges pooling around his ankles with his maroon socks peeking out. Doing up the shirt slowly, he admired the sheen of the black pearl buttons, before sliding his arms into the sleeves of the jacket.

Remus was surprised to find that everything fit perfectly, un-hemmed pants aside. He had expected the worker to purposely give him the incorrect sizes, but perhaps he didn’t want to make himself look incompetent in front of Sirius. He finally spared a quick glance in the mirror to be sure everything was tucked in properly, and found the outfit to be acceptable.

Opening the door, it gave him a bit of smug satisfaction to find Sirius lounging on a leather chaise, thumbing through his phone and giving only the rare hum of acknowledgement to the attendant yapping on at him. Remus looked down at his feet to hide the smile attempting to work its way onto his face. He refused to consider why it pleased him so much that Sirius didn't appear interested in the man, and hastily pushed back the word possessive from his thoughts. He ruffled his curls, hoping against hope the humidity hadn’t rendered them completely out of control yet. Suddenly, the attendant stopped talking mid-sentence. Remus looked up again, bracing himself for indifference and the possibility of snide remarks.

The worker’s gaze darted back and forth between Remus and Sirius, apparently finally considering the possibility of them being together. He looked like he was about to walk over to Remus and actually do his job, when Sirius stood, his phone forgotten on the cushions behind him. His mouth was hanging open as his eyes raked up and down Remus, never settling for longer than a split second. He closed his mouth, just to open it and snap it shut again, for long enough that Remus wondered if he shouldn't have looked in the mirror longer. Perhaps there was something awful on his face.

"Oh."

The word was hardly more than a whisper, and Remus wasn't quite sure whether he had imagined it or not. In the span of only a few breaths, Sirius' neutral expression of niceties and indifference toward the shop's employee, slipped away like sand through an hour glass as he regarded Remus, as if seeing him for the first time. Remus thought there was something akin to fear stamped across the dark haired man's face, but just as fast as he identified it, it was gone, expression flickering between emotions faster than he could place them.

Sirius slowly crossed the distance between them until they were toe to toe. Close enough to hear as he swallowed. Close enough to see the darker ring of charcoal, ominous as a storm cloud, that circled his irides as they scanned Remus’ face. Sirius raised his hand slowly, eyes finally settling their darting to lock on Remus’ own as he threaded his long fingers into soft, damp curls. Lowering his head, he rested his forehead against Remus’.

“Wow,” he finally said, voice rough. He cleared his throat before speaking again, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “I never thought I’d see the day I was looking forward to one of Mum’s fancy events, but I guess having a wildly attractive boyfriend changes everything.”

Remus' brain went offline for a moment, temporarily rendering him completely unable to respond. When it finally rebooted, he opted to ignore the spectacular blush that would probably outweigh his sarcasm. "Oh yeah? You'll have to be sure to introduce us. We can trade notes on how to survive the formidable task of dating you."

"And here I am, trying to give a sincere compliment and you mock me," he feigned offence, pulling back only far enough to cock his head dramatically.

He almost felt bad for Adam-or-whatever, except not really, as he linked his fingers behind Sirius' neck, staking a claim though he had no right to be. He matched Sirius' head tilt playfully. "Oh, are you saying this outfit is acceptable then?"

The resulting loud bark of laughter sent a thrill through Remus' body. "Acceptable he says!! Merlin's bollocks, I can't decide if I never want you to take it off, or if I want to rip it off right now!"

Remus' mouth dropped open in shock. Sirius had never said something as physical as that. He recovered quickly though. "Well, I'd prefer neither at this very second, we have an audience, love."

"Right, right." Sirius waved his hand flippantly, and Remus released him.

Returning to the dressing room, he changed back into his street clothes, allowing himself an all out grin when he overheard the sale clerk return to his normal speaking voice and address Sirius as a customer rather than a piece of meat. _It's just because he deserves better than that toehead_ , he told himself. _That's all._

When he returned to the main room, Sirius was at the counter finalising the order for the hemming of his pants, scheduling to have it all delivered on the morrow, and paying the bill. "Thanks again for all your help, Joey." Sirius waved over his shoulder, already halfway to the door.

Huh. Joey. He wasn't even close. He could have sworn it had started with an A.

Remus turned to follow Sirius, but not before he saw the man raise a finger and open his mouth. Glancing at him, they locked eyes for a minute, and the man decide against whatever it was he was about to say, lowering his hand and turning back to his work. Remus hurried after his friend, stepping outside and under the umbrella.

"Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation?"

Thrown off by the question, he looked at Sirius questioningly.

"It's this show Lily really likes, so she's forced me to watch a couple episodes. Really all I got from it though was this scene where one character says that whenever people get too chummy with him, he likes to call them by the wrong name to let them know he doesn't care."

Coming to a sudden stop, he stares at the beautiful, brilliant, arsehole next to him. Before he can stop it, a laugh bursts from his lips, until he's completely doubled over laughing hysterically in the middle of the sidewalk. Sirius paused, still holding the umbrella over him with the smile he reserved for when he was extraordinarily pleased with something he or James had just done.

"Oh, bloody hell, I _knew_ it wasn't Joey, but thought I must have heard it wrong through all the flirting."

"Gods, he was horrible, wasn't he? I can't stand it. I feel like I need to burn this shirt for how often he touched it."

"Please don't, I rather like you in that shirt."

Sirius looked away, but Remus could still see the small smile he tried to hide.

"Home?"

The word held so much meaning, and Sirius' voice sounded uncharacteristically heavy. Remus scrutinised him, trying to discern the change, but coming up short.

"Let's get you melatonin first, and then yes, please."

Sirius hesitated, perhaps because he didn't want to need the supplements. Assuming that was the problem, Remus rested a hand on his arm, "I'd feel better knowing you have them if you need them. And if we don't, you know James will come here specifically to get them, so we may as well save him the trip."

Grumbling, Sirius acquiesced, leading them toward the apothecary, retrieving a bottle without further complaint. He was, however, abnormally quiet for the remainder of the trip, and fled as soon as they returned home, claiming an urgent need to talk to his brother. Remus' adrenaline had completely crashed, leaving him exhausted, aching, and desperately in need of alone time. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if he had done something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry for the long wait. This is in no risk of this being abandoned, so don't panic. I've just been having a rough go of things and haven't been in the right mindset for writing. I updated the chapter count with what I have outlined, but it's subject to change. 
> 
> Your comments have been getting me through the rough days, and I go back and reread each and every one over and over, so please leave them if you don't mind <3 Thanks for reading~


	8. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woefully unbeta'd, please be kind and enjoy.

revelation | \ ˌre-və-ˈlā-shən \ |  _noun_

_ a pleasant and enlightening or astonishing disclosure _

 

◆

 

Sirius swept into the room like the gale force winds blustering outside. Lily's eyes snapped up from the book she had been reading, and it only took one glance to know to make herself scarce. She patted James on the arm consolingly, and slipped silently out of the room in search of Remus.

James closed his book and leaned back on the couch, waiting patiently as Sirius paced the room in agitation. His fingers tangled in his hair, chest rising and falling in great heaves, but James was used to Sirius' thinking process by now. This could be A Big Thing, or this could be 'do I make torte or pie tonight'. It was when he stopped, dropping into the spot next to him, elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands, that James realised this was most likely A Big Thing and not dessert related.

Pity. James rubbed his back soothingly, pushing back the thoughts of all the delicious things Sirius could make for dessert that night, in favour of being a good brother.

When he finally spoke, Sirius' voice was quiet and muffled further by his hands. "I think I might, possibly, be just a little bit... in love with Remus."

James' hand stilled, waiting for him to continue. When nothing further was forth coming, he said, "congratulations, you're officially the last to know."

Sirius's head shot up, looking at James wide-eye. "What?!"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, besides Remus. He's just as clueless as you are." Sirius whined pitifully, but James opted to ignore it. "So, what finally clued you in?"

Sirius grabbed the nearest pillow and buried his face in it, muffling his frustrated (and slightly inhuman) noises. Removing his face, he stared at the ceiling taking a deep breath, looking for all the world as if he was about to dive off a cliff into the stormy ocean far below.

"We got his tux today. And. He came out of the dressing room and my first instinct was that I kinda, sorta... wanted to back him up against a wall and snog him senseless."

"...did you?"

"No!"

"I mean, he probably would have enjoyed it..."

"James, take this seriously," he whined.

"Okay, okay. So you didn't snog him senseless, but you want to. What did you do?"

"Well, pop an awkward boner."

"HAH, wait, I didn't want to know that." James was torn between amusement and horror.  
  
"It was horrible. It was like being drenched in ice and fire at the same time! One second I'm scrolling through Dorcas' vacation pictures and the next I can't breathe, and my stomach is in knots, and feeling like I'll die if I don't find out what it's like to have his hands holding me down, and oh bloody hell when did this happen? How did this happen?!"

"Breathe, Sirius."

"How the hell do people deal with this _all the time_? How can you handle finding people hot all the time! Without knowing them! I _know_ Remus and it's overwhelming!"

"Well," James rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, maybe it's overwhelming because it doesn't happen to you often? Whereas other people are just kinda.. desensitised to it? I'm kind of the opposite of you. Finding people sexually attractive isn't anything to fuss about but when I realised I was romantically attracted to Lily that was bloody terrifying. Remember? I didn't come out of bed for three days!"

"I thought you just wanted me to fetch your food cause you were lazy."

James punched him in the shoulder and Sirius smiled cheekily. At least he looked calmer, even if they didn't seem to be going about this well at all. But when did they ever approach things normally. Haphazard was their default setting.

"It's been a while since you were attracted to someone. A _long_ while. And, honestly, I think you two were blind to this entire situation while it was sitting under your nose the whole time. Do you even _remember_ how many times you pointed him out over the winter and said you wanted to get to know him?"

Sirius was thoughtful, gaze distant as he turned it over in his mind. "Do you think he's demi, too?"

"I don't think so," James answered slowly, remembering the _hunger_ he saw in the smaller man's eyes on the few occasions he had caught him watching Sirius. There was something too primal, and carnal, and full of _want_ to think that was the case, but he didn't think it was his place, yet, to call his brother's attention to those looks. He knew from experience that Sirius had the blinders of a rally horse when he wasn't into someone.

Sirius looked at him, eyebrows drawn together. "He said no sex, as his requirement."

James shook his head, "I know, you told me. But I don't think that's it. I think there's something he isn't telling us, but I don't think it's that. Are you ignoring me pointing out how long you've liked him in favour of being dramatic about the attraction aspect?"

Sirius huffed, crossing his arms and scowling, but leaning against James anyway. He wrapped his arms around his brother's shoulders, fighting back a chuckle at the petulant behaviour. Sirius had been like this often when they were younger, but had grown and matured out of it for the most part. James wouldn't admit that he found it a rather silly and endearing quality when it cropped up again, though.

When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. Softer than James was used to. "He's so easy to love, Jamie."

"That he is."

"I liked him because he was cute. And I liked that he's a teacher. And the face he makes when he first sips his tea. But then... then he was real and he was _beautiful_. It was like... everything I already liked became amplified with deeper meaning and I couldn't get enough. I couldn't drink it all in fast enough, and then suddenly I was drunk and I _still_ don't have enough. I want _more_. And I don't know if he wants more. And I don't want to push for more and have _nothing_."

His head fell heavily against James' shoulder, dark lashes hiding his downcast eyes. James ached for him. He _thought_ Remus was just as into Sirius as Sirius was into him, but he couldn't be sure. And now he just really hoped he was, because although Sirius rarely fell, it appeared he had fallen _hard_ , much like James had for Lily years ago.

Suddenly, Sirius' head shot up. James leaned back startled, eyebrows raised and eyes wide.

"James. He's so. Fucking. Cute. God fucking damnit. How the fuck didn't I see it?"

Rolling his eyes, he put Sirius in a headlock dragging him down against his chest. "That's you're sexuality, Sirius. That's literally how you function."

"Did you know his eyes have these little flecks of gold in them?"

"Hmmm."

"And his hair is really soft. And when you thread your fingers in it, he kinda melts a little bit. I think it's an automatic switch. Touch Remus' hair, and he flips from wolf to kitten."

"Uh huh." Privately, James was willing to put money on that switch being relatively dependent on it being Sirius' fingers in his hair, but he kept that to himself.

"And his waist is sooooo nice under my hands, I swear it feels like his hipbones could cut glass, they're so sharp. I want to lick them."

"Alright, we're done here." He stood, dumping Sirius off him onto the floor with an oof. Leaning over him, he squished his cheeks together, forcing him to meet his eyes. "You're going to pursue this, you hear me you great bloody berk? I will not spend the next three years listening to you pine after him how I did with Lily- yes I know how hypocritical that is, but as you like to point out, you're the bigger man. So man up and snog your boy."

 

◆

 

After retrieving his book, Remus had wandered the halls of the large beach house in search of a quiet place to read. When he found the screened all seasons room, full of plush couches and blankets, he happily created a nest from which to watch the storm and read his book. The air was heavy, but cool from the storm, and smelled gloriously of rain. Combined with his adrenaline crash, he spent more time dozing than reading.

Lily would have gone past the room, had she not caught sight of the tuft of tawny curls peeking out over the top of a blanket. Remus blinked blearily at her, gesturing absently with sleep laden limbs to the spot next to him. She smiled and pulled back the blanket, snuggling in next to him and leaning her head against his shoulder.

James and Sirius found them like that sometime later, cuddled together watching the lightning. Both boys stopped in the doorway, uncharacteristically still and quiet as they watching their partners for a moment. Sirius walked up behind the couch, leaning over and draping his arms around Remus' neck and resting his chin on the other boy's shoulder while James ran his fingers through Lily's mussed up hair.

"Dinner is almost ready," James' voice was low, not wanting to disturb the peace of the atmosphere. "We should head that way soon. We can come back here after though with some wine and enjoy the storm some more?"

Humming his agreement, Remus tilted his head back to look at Sirius. "Did you tell James about your new boyfriend then? You ran off awfully quick."

The resulting groan had them all chuckling. "Breaking hearts in town again, were you, Pads?" Lily asked.

"It's not my fault," he pouted.

Climbing off the couch, Remus held his hand down to help Lily to her feet, placing a hand at the small of her back to steady her when she swayed.

"I take it he often has men throwing themselves at his feet, and complimenting his impeccable taste'?" Remus mimicking the attendants flirtatious tone left Lily gasping for breath through her laughs and Sirius crossing his arms in a failed attempt to be upset.

"Sounds like someone's Jealous with a capital J." James poked him hard in the ribs teasingly.

Remus hissed, doubling over and clutching at his side.

Sirius' eyes went wide and he reached out quickly, hand on his shoulder. "Your bruise! I forgot! Damnit James, I told you last night to not touch him. Let me look at it?"

He pulled away, hesitatingly, waving Sirius off.

"No, I don't mean- You don't have- I just-"

"It's fine, Sirius," Remus said. He knew that the other wasn't trying to get him shirtless and was just concerned, but he wasn't ready and this wasn't how he wanted to do it.

Lily rested her hand lightly on his forearm. "You're hurt? Will you let me look at it? I have a healing cream for bruises I could put on it, it should help with the pain too."

Remus nodded his consent and let her lead him away, sparing only a quick glance to Sirius, but unable to decipher the look on his face. When they got to her room, she guided him to sit on the edge of the bed while she bustled around their bathroom, returning with a tube of white cream smelling of natural herbs. Pulling the hem of his shirt up, she gasped softly at the gruesome colours that had blossomed across his pale skin.

"Rem..."

"It's not that bad..."

She fixed him with a glare and he looked away, shifting guiltily under her stare until she began rubbing the cream into his side.

"All done." She pressed the tube into his hand. "Do it again before bed and in the morning, and it should heal up much faster."

He nodded, stopping to drop it in his bathroom on their way to dinner. When they walked in, the other four were already seated. Sirius reached out and grabbed Lily's arm on her way around the table. Remus barely caught the whispered _thank you_ , filled with more gratitude than Remus could understand.

Dinner was quieter than usual, everyone eating their salads in a silence that bordered on uncomfortable for an indiscernible reason. Of course, it was James who broke it, completely incapable of sitting in silence, let alone an uncomfortable one.

"Remus that's a really nice shirt, but I bet it would look even better on Sirius' floor."

Sirius froze, fork halfway to his mouth. His brow furled in confusion, staring at James. "Did- did you just hit on my boyfriend for me?!"

Throwing his hands up and huffing in frustration and exasperation, James exclaimed, "someone had to! I'm sick of you two being in love and doing nothing about it!"

Effie raised a single eyebrow in amusement. "They're dating, what more do you want? Them to shag on the table this second?"

Remus choked on the sip he had just taken, his cheeks burning red as red as the wine he struggled to cough out of his lungs.

"Sorry, Remus, dear," she patted his backing in apology. "And sorry, Sirius, I know you're uncomfortable with these sort of conversations in general, let alone at the dinner table with your parents." She sent a withering glare at James, who shrunk a bit in his seat, while mumbling under his breath. Remus didn't catch what he said, but decided it was probably not helpful, judging by the elbow Lily shoved into his ribs.

In retaliation, Sirius spent the rest of the meal trying to embarrass James, who returned the favour in kind. Lily and Remus were both massaging their temples by the end of the night, while Fleamont and Effie sipped their wine, eyes darting back and forth between their sons as if it were a tennis match they were enthralled by.

Lily was finally the one to break it up. "Right. Well, after this _delightful_ meal, I think Remus could use a drink. I could also, but obviously can't, and plan to have him drink enough for the both of us. Mum, would you mind picking several bottles for us and sending them to the all seasons room?"

Waving a hand dismissively, "of course, of course. You lot go relax and I'll bring them along myself in a bit."

 

◆

 

The challenging glint in Sirius' eyes had Remus matching him glass for glass, knocking them back as if they were shots rather than expensive wine that should be sipped. Lily watched in amusement, while James tried to keep up with equal measures of concern and excitement.

It only took two bottles of wine for Sirius to insist they dance in the rain, grabbing Remus by the upper arm and dragging him to the screen door that led to the backyard and, further down, beach. In all honesty, it probably wasn't the wine at all, and just his nature that drove him out into the storm. Remus laughed, stumbling behind Sirius and trying to keep up with his long legs, unable to deny him anything when he smiled like that.

James and Lily watched from the edge in amusement as Sirius and Remus ran out into the rain, arms flung wide to greet the tempest. It didn't take long for their shirts to be soaked through, clinging to them like a second skin. Remus stared hungrily as Sirius peeled his off and water ran in rivulets down his chest. He turned and threw the sopping wet ball of fabric at James.

For the first time, Remus caught sight of Sirius' bare back, inhaling sharply in shock at the scars crisscrossing, marring the otherwise unblemished, porcelain skin. They were long and silvery with age, as he moved they shimmered, catching the light in a horribly beautiful way.

Sirius turned back around, regarding him and thrusting his chin out in challenge. "Do you dislike scars?"

Meeting his eyes, Remus studied the defiance, the strength in his squared shoulders. The determination and vulnerability in his declaration of _this is who I am_. He swallowed nervously, raising his own chin boldly. "No, do you?"

Grey eyes pinned him in place, before a slow smile spread across Sirius' face, his stance becoming more relaxed and playful. "No. I like them, actually. Make guys look rather rugged and dashing, I think."

He winked, and Remus dared to hope for the first time that Sirius Black might be flirting with him intentionally. Before he could overthink it or talk himself out of it, he took a deep breath.

"Well, in that case." Hooking his fingers under his shirt, he drug his own shirt up, up, over his chest, over his shoulders, over his head. Tossing it one handed at Lily who was watching the exchange with a doting smile on her face, he gave Sirius another moment to see his chest clearly and the scars from his top surgery. With a challenging grin, he turned and took off running into the rain toward the beach.

It only took a beat before he heard the responding shout and slapping feet chasing him. "You little shit, get back here!"

Laughing, he ran faster, slipping and sliding along the slick grass until gave way to sand and as he struggled for traction it hardly took any time for Sirius to catch him. Warm arms wrapped around him, pulling him back against a hard chest. They stumbled to a stop in the wet sand. Sirius wrapped one arm low around his waist, the other coming up across his chest, his hand resting on Remus' shoulder. Their bodies pressed flush against one another and Remus' skin felt electric, burning with every inch that touched, their chests heaving and gasping for breaths from laughter and exertion.

"Why'd you run?"

"Why'd you follow?"

"Why wouldn't I? Don't want to lose you."

Remus' breath caught and his chest _hurt_. Merlin did it hurt. Shock made him feel suddenly sober as he twisted in Sirius' arms, needing to see his face. His eyes were clear and face sincere, and Remus couldn't quite wrap his head around Sirius not wanting to lose him.

Resting a hand lightly on the other's chest, he felt the racing heart beat beneath his fingertips. "No one else is here to hear you say that," he whispered. If they hadn't been pressed together, he's sure the words would have been lost in the rain.

Sirius swallowed, eyes searching Remus' face. "No. Only you," he answered lowly.

They stared at each other, unsure, guarded, and for the first time, wary of one another. Slapping, running footfalls drew closer, rising through the rainfall and both drew back, looking away from one another. Remus crossed his arms over his chest and Sirius pushed wet hair back from his face.

James slowed as he approached. "Lily said get your arses back inside, because she's not taking care of you both when you catch a cold."

"Right she is," Sirius replied, brushing past James, striding back toward the house. Remus followed behind, chewing his lip as James fell in beside him.

They danced around one another the rest of the night. Laughing a little too loud, not quite addressing on another, looking away when the other caught them staring. Bottle after bottle of wine were finished, standing silent and proud as soldiers. The glass glittered, illuminated with every flash of lightning and the flickering of candles.

Remus sunk deeper into the couch, nestled between mounds of pillows that supported his heavy, sluggish limbs. Sirius' words never stopped their loop through his head, no matter how many glasses he finished.

_Don't want to lose you. Only you._

What did he mean? He needed to know. He thought alcohol was supposed to help you forget, but it seemed the more he drank, the more the feelings he had been burying for days, weeks, _months_ , for Sirius just rose closer to the surface, harder and harder to dismiss.

Sirius remembered his favourite drinks without him telling him, what did that mean? He knew he was a teacher, he understood the struggles from being around Lily. He went out of his way to make Remus' favourite food. He waited for him after his panic attack. He asked if it was okay to touch him. There was no way he _didn't_ know Remus was trans after seeing the scars, and still he ran after him without hesitation. And he still he said he didn't want to lose him. Said it when no one was around to convince of their relationship.

He didn't know if it meant what he wanted it to mean, or if he was just making it into something because he wanted it. And oh merlin, he admitted to himself he wanted it. He couldn't deny it. He needed another drink. As he fumbled with the bottle, he saw Lily and James stand, and blurted out, "you're leaving us?!"

He could see the smile twitching at the edge of her lips as she led James out of the room. Drink forgotten, he stared at the closed door for several long minutes after they disappeared through it, before dragging his eyes over to Sirius. At some point he had taken his hair out of the knot and it hung in damp waves over his shoulders. Before he fully understood what he was doing, Remus got to his feet, swaying and stumbling his way to the couch Sirius was on, dropping heavily down next to him.

"I have a terrible, horrible, foolish idea," he whispered conspiratorially.

Sirius smiled broadly, his eyes droopy and half closed, but voice still animated, "let's do it and see what happens."

He scowled. At least, he hoped he was scowling. He couldn't quite be sure, his face felt a little funny. "I haven't even told you what it is yet."

The responding chuckle was deep and warm, and it twisted Remus' insides. He squirmed a bit in his seat, eyes lingering on the column of Sirius' neck, exposed, the skin stretched taut from how his head was thrown back, resting on the back of the couch. Merlin, he wanted to bite it. Run his tongue up it. Taste every inch of that pale skin and feel the pulse hammer against his lips.

It wasn't until after it had left his throat and Sirius had lifted his head to look at him, that he realised he had whined. Sirius reached out, threading his way into Remus' hair, curls wrapping around his fingers. Remus' eyes slipped shut and he turned his head, leaning into the hand.

Closer. He needed to be closer.

Hesitantly, he put his hands on Sirius' shoulders, climbing into his lap. Sirius eyes widened in surprise, but he placed his hands on his waist, pulling him closer in encouragement.

"Is this your terrible idea?" he asked, voice shakier than the invariable confidence Remus was accustomed to hearing.

He licked his lips nervously. "Partially."

"What's the rest of it?"

Unbidden, Remus' eyes drifted down to Sirius' lips, and god he had never wanted something so badly in his life than to taste them. A warm hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him lower, closer and closer to what he wanted.

His mouth hovered over Sirius', their breath shared, and when he spoke their lips nearly brushed. "This is a horrible idea," he murmured.

"Let's do it and see what happens," Sirius repeated without hesitation.

Remus pressed forward, heads tilting, noses brushing, lips crashing, crashing together. It was hard and bruising. Sirius' hand pulling him by the neck, his other arm winding around his waist tugging him against him, steadying him, and Remus was grateful because fuck he was drowning. He was drowning, and he was flying, and he never wanted it to end. He was sure he was on fire, that he had been struck by lightning and his chest had exploded, because there was no other explanation for a kiss feeling like this.

The numbness from his panic attack and the alcohol were shattered, burned away as one kiss turned to two, turned to never being able to stop. Mouthes opened and tongues intertwined and everything was hot and hard and nothing had ever felt as perfect or terrifying as this.

He wasn't sure when or how they got to their feet, but they stumbled back to the room, lips hardly ever parting for longer than necessary to gasp a lungful of air. Remus' fought back a whine each time they broke apart, brain adamant he needed Sirius more than air to breathe. Somehow they found their bedroom and as soon as the door closed he backed Sirius up against it, relishing the weight of his arms around his neck.

Kissing Sirius Black might be a terrible, horrible, foolish idea, but the only thing he regretted was not being sober, and sent a prayer to every and any deity that would listen that he never forget what it felt like to have those lips on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot say thank you enough for your kind words. If you have heard about the massive flooding in the US and declared state of emergency, that is what I have been dealing with since last I posted. My work was under 10 feet of water, and I'm in the midst of moving apartments, navigating closed roads, etc etc. Although, I suppose the upside to this mess is I've been too busy to be mentally down (laugh/cry).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one, looking forward to your thoughts, my lovely readers <3


	9. Tentative

tentative |  \ ˈten-tə-tiv \ | _adjective_

_not fully worked out, hesitant, uncertain_

 

◆

 

For the first time, Remus woke before Sirius. He wasn't even a particularly late sleeper, he just couldn't compete with baker's hours. His head was pounding, but not as badly as he probably deserved, and all thoughts of _hangover_ went out the window when he saw his fingers intertwined with Sirius', hands laying between their pillows. 

Careful not to wake him, he slowly ran his thumb over the back of Sirius’ hand, his pointer finger over his knuckles. Touched anything he could to feel the other’s skin beneath his and know he was real. To ground himself in the here and now and commit it to memory.

Sirius' breath was soft, even, and slow, and Remus was inclined to never leave, to live in this moment forever. But he really, _really_ had to pee. Regretfully, he slipped from the bed, emptied his bladder, and went downstairs in his pyjamas. 

Padding through the kitchen in his bare feet, he hummed absently, opening cupboards in search of a kettle and tea pot. As the water heated, he closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of the memory of the night before. Raising his fingers to his lips, he touched them in disbelief.

He was just returning the kettle to the stove after filling the teapot, when a pair of arms snaked around his waist. After his initial surprise, he tilted his head back, resting it on Sirius' shoulder and looking up at him.

"Mornin'" he murmured.

"You disappeared and left me cold."

He doesn't need to see the other's face to know he's pouting, but enjoyed seeing it anyway. "Wine bladder."

Sirius just hummed contently in response, turning his face into Remus' neck and placing a soft kiss there. Remus was sure he would have melted into a puddle right there on the kitchen floor if Mrs. Potter hadn't entered.

"Morning, boys."

The two separated and each kissed her cheek in good morning greeting.

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, Remus said, "I hope you don't mind I snooped around to make tea." 

"On the contrary. You are more than welcome of course, but particularly if you intend to share." She smiled cheekily, with a sleepy wink as Remus quickly poured her a cuppa, bustling around as if he belonged there as he searched from cream and sugar.

Sirius leaned his elbows on the counter, watching with a soft smile and tender affection in his gaze, until his mother swatted him with the morning paper.

"Don't just stand there gawking his arse, help him reach the sugar from the top shelf. Heaven knows why Monty insists on keeping it- oh. Never mind, hush you!" She swatted him again but he danced out of the way. "And fetch your poor mother one of your pastries while you're at it."

Completely unnecessarily, he wrapped an arm around Remus just because he could, as he reached over him to grab the sugar and hand it to him. 

"Padfoot's playing fetch?" James asked, amused. He was still in his pyjama's like the rest of them, his hair a disaster and glasses slightly crooked on his nose. 

As he flipped the kettle back on, Remus held the still-mostly-full pot of tea up, eyebrows raised, but James shook his head.

"Lils is sick, making her ginger tea."

The whole room ahhh'd in understanding and resumed their tasks, weaving in and out of one another. James and Sirius had perfect awareness of where the other was at any given time; it was second nature to them from all their days spent in the cafe together. Surprising to both though, was how easily Remus fit into their movements, the smaller boy weaving into their elaborate morning dance seamlessly.

In no time, a full spread of breakfast was laid out on the kitchen island where Effie was still seated, observing with great interest and fondness the banter and interactions of the three boys. James disappeared briefly to bring tea and toast to Lily in their room, but returned to eat with them and allow her to sleep more.

It wasn't until some time later, when they were all preparing to walk down to the beach, that she emerged, freshly showered but still a bit off in colour. James fussed over her frantically until she swatted him away, slipping her arm into Remus' and shooing her husband to help Sirius carry the towels and cooler.

"Only three months in and he's getting more protective and frantic by the day. He's going to drive me crazy before this is over. And if anyone thought I would be the over-protective parent in this relationship, the could not be more wrong," she ranted as they walked down the wooden path to the shoreline. 

Remus didn't bother trying to hide his smile. 

“If our child has half his propensity for mischief,” she continued, “it will serve him right, the heart attacks he’ll have. Make up for all the trouble he caused as a child.”

“How do you figure?”

“Karma,” she nodded sagely, straight faced.

A beat passed, before they both burst out laughing.

She rest a hand on her stomach. In her bathing suit, it was obvious that she was beginning to show, in a way that had been easier to hide under a sundress when they first arrived, but wouldn't have lasted the whole trip if they hadn't already been planning on telling everyone. He led her to a spot near the water where James spread a large blanket for them to sit on. When James didn't appear ready to give him up his fussing father-to-be role anytime soon, Remus chased him into the water where Sirius was more than willing to help distract his brother.

Returning to his spot next to Lily on the blanket, Remus tried and failed to not blatantly stare at Sirius. He jumped when she poked him in the ribs, a knowing smirk on her face.

"Soooo, what happened last night?"

"Last night?"

"Yeeeees? After we left?"

"Oh. Well. You know. We, uh, went to bed. Not long after you left."

"Uh huh. Just, went to bed?"

Remus refused to meet her gaze, but realised too late that perhaps staring at Sirius wasn't helping his case either as said boy ran out of the water and onto the sandy beach with James hot on his trail. Sirius, who was wearing swim trunks much too short to be deserving of the name, clinging to him like a second skin as he emerged from the water. Even from a distance, Remus could see the rivulets of salt water running over the small mountains of muscle beneath his skin, the droplets catching the sun.

"Is that drool I see?"

He tore his eyes away, hand at his mouth as she cackled evilly. 

"You have it sooooo bad."

Through her taunting and teasing, he could hear the genuine pleasure in the statement. "What if he doesn't though?" he asked quietly.

Lily's face softened and she reached out, running her fingers through his hair. He rested back on his elbows, supporting his weight but leaning against her companionably. She kissed the top of his head before speaking into his hair, "he does, love. He does. I told you he wouldn’t mind you being trans, and I was right about that, wasn’t I?”

“Mmmhm.”

Both fell into a comfortable silence after that, Remus lost in thought and Lily cognisant that he needed to process her words alone. Both brought out books, and Lily eventually slipped away to wet her feet, walking through the shallow waves. Remus was still there, hiding under a large beach umbrella reading when Effie joined him. She wore a modest one piece and had a coverup shawl draped over her shoulders, her long dark hair was french braided and created a stark contrast against the bright colours. Both watched with fond smiles as James and Sirius wrestled in the water, creating huge splashes and filling the air with their exuberant shouts.

"I have been unsure how to say this without seeming like I'm trying to pry into your personal affairs, and know that that is not my intent. I don't pretend to know the situation between you two and frankly don't wish to, though that is sometimes inevitable with those two for sons. More one than the other, of course..." 

She waved her hand toward the boys who were still roughhousing, but Remus was stiff as a board waiting to see where she was going with this. 'Situation between you two' sounded like she knew. But she couldn't know, they had been so careful! And the last few days it hadn't even been forced; he knew he at least hadn't needed to consciously focus on faking affection for the other. At some point their pranks and playfulness and casual touching become genuine and second nature.

"I don't completely understand Sirius' sexuality, but I try, I really do. And I believe that it is valid, I just have a difficult time understanding it."

"Being gay?!" Remus blurted in shock, he hadn't gotten that impression from Mrs. Potter at all. She had been nothing but understanding and treated them exactly the same as James and Lily.

"Heavens, no. The other one, that he isn't attracted to men until he has an emotional connection with him."

Remus' racing thoughts froze, lethargic as a glacier, head slowly turning back to find Sirius in the water, his mouth quietly filling in the word for her, “demisexual." The word came out more a whisper, a revelation breathed into life.

"Yes! I don't understand it very well, but I try to. And I know it drove him crazy that I would try and set him up on dates but, well, how else are you supposed to develop an emotional connection with someone?! He was so unwilling for so long to meet anyone, and I'm a mother. I worried. I worried he wouldn't find someone. That he would let it hold him back from trying because other people wouldn't understand. And I don't need to know anything about your more intimate affairs with my son, but... thank you. For being understanding of that and loving him regardless. Monty and I can see how deeply you care for him in the way you look at him."

"I do," Remus confided, his voice catching in his throat.

He thought of that morning, of dancing around Sirius and James in the kitchen. He remembered Lily and Effie's banter over breakfast days ago about how Sirius and Remus surely couldn't fit in Sirius' small kitchen, and realised he wanted to find out. He wanted those arms wrapped around his waist while he fixed them tea. He wanted to cook dinner together on Thursday evenings while Remus complained about how far behind he was on grading and Sirius bragged about a new, brilliant recipe he had come up with. When the pain of seeing the Potter parents together had overwhelmed him, he hadn't even realised that it ached so acutely, because _who_ he wanted that with was so close, yet still seemed so out of reach. He wanted that quiet, domestic, and humble love _with Sirius._

He had known all along how attracted he was to Sirius' sharp, aristocratic looks. But he wanted the chance to show him that it was more than that, and worried he wouldn't get the chance. More than that, he worried that he made him uncomfortable with his advances the previous night.

 

◆

 

“Remus, who brings a _book_ to the beach?!”

He didn’t bother looking up when he replied, “your boyfriend. Your sister-in-law. Your mother.” He turned the page.

“But you haven’t gone in the water! Come play with meeeeeee,” Sirius whined.

“I seem to recall you telling me that I _needed_ to go on this trip because it would be, and I quote ‘a vacation for you to lay on the sand and catch some rays, which you could use’ end quote.” Remus looked up over the top of his book at a dripping wet, grumpy Sirius. “I’m laying on the sand. Look at me, catching all the rays.”

“Sirius Orion, tell me you did _not_ say that to your boyfriend.”

It never ceased to impress Remus how Effie Potter could make a grown, confident, beautiful man like Sirius Black, turn into a properly chastised child in a single sentence. The power of mothers. Surely it was proof that magic existed. He decided to let him off the hook though.

“Hah. I forgot your middle name is Orion. Starboy.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes, “shut up, Moonboy.”

“Ah yes, a wolf moon joke. I have never heard one of those before.”

James came bounding up, throwing an arm around Sirius’ shoulders. “Moony! That can be your nickname!”

“Nicknames, right. You never told me what yours is.”

“Prongs,” Sirius supplied while James looked away.

“Suffice to say, there was an unfortunate incident involving a fork in third year…”

“He still has the scars!” Lily added jubilantly, though Remus doubted James found the contribution helpful or necessary. Which just made him love her even more.

“Alright, so Padfoot, Prongs, and Moony.”

“Yes, now, will Messier Moony grace us with his presence in the ocean?”

Remus folded his book shut, storing it in a bag where he prayed it would stay dry, then got to his feet sufferingly. Sirius ignored his sighs and grumbles, and subsequent shouts as he swept Remus into his arms bridal style, and took off running into the water to the amusement of everyone else on shore.

If he thought watching Sirius in the water from the beach had been torture, it was nothing compared to being in the water with Sirius, his warm, wet skin pressed against him. He refused to put him down for a long time, and although Remus protested weakly, it was all for show, to protect what little dignity he had left when it came to his inability to resist Sirius. He secretly loved every second of being held against Sirius’ chest weightless in the water, of being close enough to lean up and press a kiss to his salty skin.

He was not allowed to escape the water again until Sirius saw his dad building a bonfire in the sand and grasped Remus’ pruny hand and bounded excitedly over to help add wood to the pile.

The flames began to climb as the sun quickly sank, and more stars than Remus had ever seen appeared overhead. He was standing, spinning slowly in a circle taking them all in when Sirius took his hand and led him to the fire. Sirius sat crosslegged and pulled Remus down, until he was resting with his head in Sirius lap. Remus couldn’t decide which view was more beautiful, and ultimately had to decide that the answer was both. There would never be a painting as stunning or a photograph as perfect as Sirius’ face lit by the fire against a backdrop of billions of stars.

Sirius talked with his family, he laughed, he smiled, and he was more relaxed and comfortable than Remus could remember seeing him. His fingers threaded in Remus’ hair absently, which somehow made Remus both relaxed and nervous-excited at the same time. It made no sense, what-so-ever, but so far nothing about this… friendship, relationship, arrangement thingy made any sense. At this point relaxed nervous excitement wasn’t that far fetched.

Remus sat up when offered a stick and marshmallow to roast, but Sirius apparently found the distance completely unacceptable and pulled on his arm, whimpering like a kicked puppy until Remus was seated in his lap. He didn’t miss the pleased smile on Lily’s face, nor the way James’ eyes crinkled when he smiled watching them. 

Although he was still nervous about the possibility of having made Sirius uncomfortable the night before, Remus found it easy to go along with when Sirius was initiating the contact. It didn’t hurt that he enjoyed the man’s arms around his waist or being able to feel his voice reverberating from his chest against his back. He roasted a marshmallow and held it over his shoulder for Sirius to eat, the pleased hum the other made giving flight to the butterflies in his stomach.

 

◆

 

The easiness that he had when interacting with Sirius in front of his family vanished once they were alone again though. When he emerged from the bathroom that night after his usual routine, Sirius was still awake, and Remus was sure he could physically feel his self-confidence fleeing his person. He stood taking a deep breath, observing the other laying on his back under the covers, one arm folded behind his head as he stared up at the canopy of the bed.

“Shall I get the lights?” Remus asked, hesitantly.

Sirius hummed his acknowledgement, eyes blinking slowly, heavy with anticipated sleep. Remus tread carefully back to the bed and slid under the covers, once again on the far side of the mattress as in the first nights of their stay, unsure of himself and of them and what to do now.

“I don’t bite, you know.”

Remus hummed, but made no movement to shift closer. Sighing sufferingly,Sirius turned on his side and pulled him further onto the bed, his arm slow to retract. Remus rolled over to face the other boy, the two staring at each other in the dark.

"Did I make you uncomfortable last night?" Remus whispered. He fidgeted with the edge of the blanket, but kept his eyes on Sirius' face, intently watching for discomfort or a lie.

"No," he breathed, face earnest. "I loved everything about last night."

"Oh," Remus sighed in relief. "Oh, okay. That's good. I was just worried that- I didn't realise-"

"I'm demi."

"Yeah. Your mum told me. I wouldn't have-"

"I wanted you to."

Remus' eyes went wide, his mouth open, a rounded, "oh." 

Sirius shifted, his eyes going downcast and Remus was reminded once again that the handsome man projected more confidence than he possessed. He was so convincing, it was easy to forget there was a softness and insecurity beneath the bravado. 

"I'm trans," Remus whispered. He knew that Sirius knew, but still felt a compulsive need to say it out loud, to be 100% positive he was fine with it.

Grey eyes met his as tentative fingers touched the hem of his shirt under the covers. When he made no move to stop him, Sirius slowly slid his hands under the fabric, leaving gooseflesh in the wake everywhere his fingers brushed.

"You're still Remus, what difference does it make?"

He shivered as those fingers continued their path up his chest, eyes slipping shut, basking in the tentative tenderness of the caress.

"Yeah but I- a lot of gay guys aren't okay because- well, I-"

He couldn't bring himself to voice his worries, that Sirius wouldn't be okay with his body the way it is, wouldn't be accepting or understanding that he hadn't had bottom surgery, and probably _wouldn't_ have the surgery. 

"That's why you said no sex," Sirius realised, connecting the pieces together at last.

"Thought I could make through the trip without you finding out and having to deal with... well. Worst case scenarios."

"Mmmm." Sirius crossed the short distance to brush a soft kiss against Remus' cheek. "It changes nothing, Rem."

He felt the pad of Sirius' thumb trace over the scars left by his surgery, but there was no hesitation or uncertainty, only curiosity and comfortable assurance. Sitting half way up, Remus ignored the whine Sirius let out and pulled his shirt off over his head. Settling back down, he laid on his back, smiling as Sirius hesitantly shifted closer and resumed tracing the silver lines until they both drifted off to sleep.

When Remus woke a while later, he wasn’t sure at first why he had, until Sirius shifted again next to him. His whimpers became louder and movement more violent. Remus reached out, shaking him on the shoulder. He sat up with a start, gasping as he had all the other nights and moved as if to get out of bed. Before he could, Remus caught him around the wrist, tugging.

"Don't go. Come here."

Sirius hesitated, then all at once threw himself into Remus' open embrace, burying his face in Remus' neck as the other's arms came up to hold him tight. His breath was too fast and he was still shaking slightly, but slowly calmed as Remus ran his hands up and down his back. Sirius took several steadying breaths once he was calm, shifted slightly to tangle their legs together, and drifted back off to sleep, safely nestled against Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And y'all thought they'd fuck it up. No faith in my boys, I swear.
> 
> One chapter left! And the possibility of a smutty one shot sequel? Lemme know in the comments if you would be interested in that. 
> 
> After a week of sunshine, our lakes are finally receding and most of the roads are open again. Thank you for all your well wishes, myself and my kitties and my coworkers are all safe.
> 
> Also, thank you for ALL the incredible comments on last chapter. I read them daily and they are always the highlight of my day when a new one comes in. You make me smiley every time. <3
> 
> Ta til next time ~ your average everyday moody werewolf


	10. Smitten

smitten |  \ ˈsmi-tᵊn \ |  _adjective_

_deeply affected with or struck by strong feelings of attraction, affection, or infatuation_

 

◆

Remus had hoped to have time to talk to Sirius more about what exactly was going on between them that morning, but all hopes were dashed when Mrs. Potter waltzed through the door the next morning, clapping her hands excitedly. He resolutely ignored the small amount of relief that meant he was getting out of the conversation.

"Rise and shine boys!" she exclaimed, throwing open the curtains so the sun beat down through the windows, falling across their faces. Remus screwed his eyes tighter shut until Sirius yanked the blanket over both of their heads.

The bed sunk as she sat on the edge, pulling the blanket off and peering down at Sirius. "You need to be up, showered, dressed, and have eaten so that we can walk out the door in one hour. Do you understand me? You and James are coming with me to set up. You can bring your tux and change there if you don't want to wear it all day, but you still need to be decently clothed. No pyjamas, no torn jeans, and no all black."

Sirius whined and rolled over, as if hiding would make her go away. Remus snickered as the boy buried his face against his chest, fingers automatically moving to card through his hair.

"Remus, love, you and Lily will stay here until closer to the actual event."

"I'd be happy to help set up as well."

She waved her hand dismissively. "I will have plenty of help from the staff there, and James and Sirius know enough to be able to direct them. Also, I don't want Lily there too early and wearing her self out with how poorly she's been feeling, but I don't want her here alone either. Your tux arrived this morning already, Monty hung it in the sitting room."

With a little more fuss she was out the door, leaving the two alone once again. Remus stretched, his back popping pleasantly before burrowing deeper in the covers. "Well, don't mind me. I'll just be here curled under the blankets-" He cut off with a yelp as Sirius kicked him in the shins. 

"Wanker," he muttered, staggering clumsily out of bed and toward the bathroom.

Remus had just drifted back to sleep when he heard the door reopen and felt a burst of humidity in the air. Cracking a eye open, he nearly choked on his own tongue when Sirius entered with only a towel tied around his waist. His hair had been dried and hung in glossy waves past his shoulders making him look every bit of a chiselled statue of a god.

“See something you like?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Remus’ blatant staring. 

He whined and pulled the covers over his head. Perhaps the bed would swallow him whole and the world would pretend this hadn’t happened.

“You know, there’s nothing stopping me from rejoining you in bed like this,” his voice was playful and it did nothing to help Remus’ thoughts as he tried to think of the most unsexy things ever to will away the throbbing between his legs. 

“The real and immediate threat of your mother walking is should be plenty to stop you,” he yelled back, ignoring the crack in his voice and obviously pleading tone. He wasn’t entirely sure even the possibility of Effie walking in would be enough to stop Sirius when presented with the opportunity to torment him and was silently begging anyone who listening that Sirius _wouldn’t_ take that as a dare.

“Fineeeee, I guess I’ll put clothes on for now. I can’t promise you’ll get so lucky tomorrow though…”

Sirius laughed at the mumbled expletives coming from the lump of blankets, but didn’t say anything else as he dressed and slipped out of the room.

 

◆

 

Remus found Lily in the sitting room, her dressing robe wrapped around her and hair unbound, falling loosely over her shoulders. She set aside her book when she heard him enter, smiling and patting the couch in invitation. He poured a cup of tea before taking a seat, sipping slowly and allowing the liquid to warm him from the inside out.

“So you never answered my question yesterday, about what happened after James and I left you two alone.”

“Good morning Lily. Yes, I slept well, thank you for asking and yourself?”

She waved a hand dismissively. “You hate small talk as much as I do and are only using it as a misdirection. You can’t fool me, Remus Lupin. Now on to the real conversation: what do I need to do to get you and Sirius to admit your undying love to one another?”

He winced, wrapping his hands tighter around his mug as he thought. “Okay, I will admit that I’m madly in love with him, because obviously my denials up to this point have been unfruitful. I will EVEN admit that,” he took a deep breath, rushing out the next words so quickly he hoped she wouldn’t comprehend them, “we kissed and he told me he was demi and I panicked but then he had wanted me to kiss him.”

He dared a glance at her from his peripheral vision. Green eyes blinked slowly, whether from confusion or disbelief at their, admittedly, ridiculous situation, he wasn’t sure. “Your level of self-deprecating denial is astounding. I can understand the worry after finding out he was demi that it was reciprocated but he even CLARIFIED that it was reciprocated and you’re still being a prat?!”

Shifting uncomfortably he studied the painting on the opposite wall rather than look at her. “What if he wouldn’t have liked me if he wasn’t stuck on a trip with me? Or he doesn’t actually like me he was just drunk and didn’t hate kissing someone he’s gotten to know? What are the chances he only thinks he likes me because we’ve been pretending to date and he’s become comfortable around me but doesn’t actually want to be with me? Pretty bloody high, Lily.”

"None at all," she paused, struggling to find the words. "He didn't ask you on this trip because you were the only one there. It wasn't a, 'anyone will do' situation and you were who was available. When he came over and told James and I his idiotic idea in the first place, even then, he said he would have told Effie the truth that day on the phone, if it hadn't been you in the cafe. Although he wasn't attracted to you then, and didn't know you yet, he knew enough to want to get to know you better. He felt that pull, that tug of heartstrings of wanting it to be you, even though he wasn't sure. So don't think for one moment that you were just convenient."

Remus eyed her warily, torn between disbelief, and how badly he wanted to believe. 

“Even more than that,” she continued, voice low as she eyed him sternly. “It is not up to you to decide who he loves. You don’t get to question his attraction and tell him he doesn’t actually care for you, Remus.”

He blushed in shame, looking down, unable to stand the reproach. She touched his hand comfortingly, but he didn’t look up. 

“I know that wasn’t your intent, but you need to keep that in mind. I know that you’re afraid, but unless you know something I don’t, then he has given you no reason to think he doesn’t care for you every bit as much as you do for him. Well, except for his idiotic scheme to begin with, but that’s fairly standard Sirius. Coming up with a prank without thinking it through.”

Sighing sufferingly, he ran a hand down his face before giving in to a mixture of exasperation and fear. “So what am I supposed to do then? Just say ‘hey, Sirius, I know you are paying me to pretend to be your boyfriend because you were sick of dating people, but actually I’m mad for you and want to snog you on a regular basis’??”

“He was only sick of Effie setting him up on dates,” Lily pointed out, as if this somehow improved the ridiculousness of the situation. (It didn’t.) “There will be dancing tonight in a beautiful setting with both of you dressed up-”

“I know we’re gay, but really, Lily-”

“-it will be the perfect opportunity to talk. Say something like ‘I’m not ready for this to end’ and see how he reacts, and go from there. But please, for the love of _everything_ , be open minded, Remus. Don’t go into it assuming he’s acting this way to fool anyone. Sirius is a good actor, but he is not _that_ good.”

Remus didn’t respond, but her words circled like a broken record on repeat in the back of his mind the entire time he was dressing and as he watched the trees race by out the window on their drive he thought _maybe. Maybe_ he could do this.

 

◆

 

Any and all resolutions and attempts to blend in with the obviously posh and wealthy attendants went out the window when Remus stepped into the hall where the ball was to be held. His soft gasp had Lily chuckling at his side, pulling him closer to her by their linked arms even as he craned his neck to stare at _everything._

They had rented out the train station for the evening, a large historical building with soaring ceilings, stone columns, and marble tiles. Candle light flickered from every table top, casting shadows and glittering off the polished floors. Windows set high and divided by dark metal muntins showed a brilliant sky of pinks and oranges beyond, allowing in the warm light from the quickly setting sun. Remus could already pick out a few stars and knew by the time they were on the floor dancing that evening, there would be a multitude as a backdrop to the already beautiful building.

Around them was the rise and fall of chatter wrapped in a swirl of tuxedoes and long, billowing black dresses. Having arrived at the designated time with all the other guests, there was only a small amount of time for Remus and Lily to be subjected to mingling, before being escorted to a table of honour at the front of the room, where James and Fleamont were already seated. 

James jumped up, smiling brightly when he caught sight of them, kissing Lily and pulling out the seat next to him for her to sit. Remus sat next to her, looking pointedly at the vacant seat to his left, before raising an eyebrow in question at James. The man rubbed the back of his neck, but didn’t get the chance to answer before a familiar voice was coming over the speakers.

"Good evening, everyone. It is my distinct honour to welcome you to our Fifth Annual Codes for Kids Gala. For every dollar that is raised tonight, and even your donations that are contributed throughout the year, Metrication Corporation matches you dollar for dollar and provides computers and the funding for teachers to schools in the most need to educate girls and children of colour in tech classes, such as coding and engineering. 

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Euphemia Potter, and I would like to start with some thanks that are in order. Firstly, thank you to my wonderful husband, Fleamont Potter, and the entirety of Metrication Corporation, without which this would not be possible. It was a casual conversation over dinner one night about his desire to do more for our community, but unsure of how, that led to me sharing my own dream with him. When I presented my idea to the board, I was blown away by the level of enthusiasm with which everyone responded and the support that they pledged to making it a reality. 

I would also like to thank Zayd Cook, who you will hear from later this evening, Krishna Thomas, and Maya Mohan, who are all here with us tonight and were among the first students to benefit from our program. Not only that, but they then went on to further schooling in the technological field, and ultimately become employees with Metrication."

Effie paused smiling through the applause that roared through the room, bouncing off the high ceilings and reverberated in Remus' chest.

"Finally, I would like to thank all of you for being here tonight. Your generous donations throughout the years and tickets to attend tonights event are what make this possible. In our first year we were able to help five schools, which we were overjoyed to be able to do that for our first year, but last year we were able to reach an astounding 50 schools, provide 2500 new computers, and the funding to hire 37 technological teachers that would otherwise not have been working in these schools. Your contributions are having a real impact on our community, and I cannot thank you enough." 

She paused again, smiling as brightly as the lights that shone on her. "I think that is enough from me. Please, enjoy your meal, drink heartily, and join us on the dance floor later this evening." She put her hands together and made a small bow to the audience who cheered again for several long minutes, even after she had stepped off the stage and made her way to join them at their table. As she approached though, she frowned, noting the empty seat next to Remus. "I swear, if that boy has snuck out-"

"Er, about that." James shifted in his seat. 

Even Remus felt afraid when he saw the way Effie’s nostrils flared dangerously.

James threw his hands up placatingly. "It's not what you think! He is in the building, and he's not even ruining anything. He's just-" James ran a hand through his hair and any semblance of presentability went out the window. Not that there had been much order to it to begin with. "He's being _Sirius._ He happened to catch a glance of the desserts they were planning to serve and was appalled, declaring them completely unacceptable for his mother's event, and kinda..." James shrugged. "Took over the operation?"

Effie looked like she was about to run a hand down her face but thought better of it with her make-up, settling for pursing his lips. "So, you're telling me he's in the kitchens?"

"Yep! Shucked his jacket, but otherwise in full black tie affair, patisserie-ing away."

"That's not a word," Remus felt the need to add, unhelpful as it might have been. He couldn't fight the smile threatening to take over, because this was, as James had said, so _Sirius being Sirius._ Effie looked at him, slowly shaking her head in resignation.

"Your boyfriend," she said, accusingly.

Remus grinned, "you raised him! You should know better than anyone there's no controlling his antics when he feels like something isn't up to snuff for someone he loves."

She finally gave in to a fond smile. "Right you are."

Pushing back his chair, Remus turned to James. "I'll fetch our Padfoot, shall I? Point me in the direction of the kitchens?"

It only took a few minutes of weaving across the massive room through throngs of people and a few flashes of his name badge to security guards to find himself in the kitchen doorway. Remus crossed his arms, leaning against the frame to watch the scene in amusement. 

Sirius was indeed in his tux pants, cummerbund, and shirt, the sleeves of which were rolled up, with his jacket no where to be seen. He was elbow deep in a bowl, kneading some sort of dough with flour dusting his forearms, the tendons shifting visibly as he worked, but his attention was apparently on tormenting the poor staff.

"You call that slicing strawberries? My grandmother could do it neater, and she's blind!"

"Oi, fuck off mate!" the harassed man yelled back, laughing nonetheless. His hands slowed, creating more even slices in the garnish fruit.

No one seemed offended that Sirius had seized control, like a pirate commandeering a vessel. Indeed, the air was full of energy and laughter even as the small team worked overtime to create all new desserts under Sirius' savage and rigorous guidance. 

He was completely in his element, boisterous and surrounded by baking ingredients, and he looked gorgeous. Remus had been looking forward to the chance to see him dressed up, all put together, posh and sophisticated, for a black tie affair. It was somehow both better and worse seeing him where he was happiest, cocky and euphoric, while still half in his tux. It was a sin how well the trousers were tailored to his arse and surely the shirt was too small the way it hugged his biceps.

Not for the first time, Remus realised he was jealous of the people around Sirius who got to see him when Remus didn't. He envied them the chance to watch Sirius at work with poise and ease, confident in his abilities and seemingly unaware that he was dressed to the nines. 

"Miss Belinda you are lovely, however if you so much as think about touching my cake with that frosting I will send you back to Oz myself. It's so thin and watery it could solve a drought. Start over."

The young lady blushed and let loose a nervous giggle before scampering off to find fresh ingredients.

"Hurry, people, we only have-" Sirius glanced over at the clock hung above the door, "oh, bugger. Hello, sugar plum."

"Don't you 'sugar plum' me. I knew I should have come with this morning."

Sirius threw his hands up in dismay, sending bits of dough flying through the air. "If you had seen what they were going to serve, you would know I was completely justified."

"Controlling prat."

"It's part of my charm," he grinned winningly. 

After shaking the haze from his own mind, Remus noted the number of staff also afflicted by Sirius stunning smile. The ones who looked away blushing from that smile or stared for too long. Poor sods never stood a chance. Pushing off the wall, he strolled across the room holding Sirius' gaze, until he slipped behind him, hands settling on his waist. Nervously, he pressed a kiss to the bit of exposed neck above his collar, where his hair was pulled back. "Well, go on then. You've already missed your mother's opening address, may as well keep at your task."

"Oh-h. Umm. Uh huh." Sirius cleared his throat, but gave up on forming a coherent answer. He resumed kneading the dough, but his hands couldn't seem to find the steady, confident rhythm he had before. Eventually he tapped Remus' hands, and Remus stepped away but failed to hide the smirk at, what he could only hope was, a flustered Sirius Black.

"Okay! Martin, press this dough into those tins. Pay attention while they bake, if they burn I will burn you. After they have completely cooled, Petro has the filling over there, and for the love of everything sacred, do not forget the mint leaves." Having finished giving his troops commands, he sighed and washed his hands and forearms, before turning to face Remus again, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he shuffled over. "Soooo how much trouble am I in?"

"I suppose that depends on if you know where your bowtie and tux jacket are, for starters."

By some stroke of luck, Sirius had managed to stow both in an alcove free of flour and chocolate. He reached for the tie but Remus swatted his hand away, turning Sirius by his shoulders to face him. Long, nimble fingers buttoned the top button again and flipped the collar up, draping the tie around his neck. He tied it with practiced ease, and half expected Sirius to make a joke about the fact. Glancing up, he found the source of the silence to be most likely attributed to the pink taking over his normally pale cheeks.

"Are you too warm?" he asked, frowning, folding down the collar before allowing his fingertips to brush over the flushed skin.

Sirius answered with a slightly strangled noise, unconsciously leaning closer, eyes darting to Remus' mouth.

"Remus are you dressing or _un_ dressing him?"

Both men jumped, staring wide eyed at a laughing James Potter. 

"Mum was worried you had gotten lost, but I see she should have been more concerned with neither of you making it back for other reasons..."

"It's not my fault- I had to forcibly remove the kitchen dictator!" Remus pouted.

"By the lips?"

Remus rolled his eyes but ignored the jab, striding past both men without looking back. When they made it back to the table, Effie opened her mouth as if to scold her son despite the location, but Sirius beat her to it.

“I promise it will be worth it, I made your favourite tortes myself.” He threw in a sugary-sweet smile just in case.

His mother narrowed her eyes, but a soft touch of her husband’s hand on her arm had her giving in and begrudgingly indicating they should all take their seats again and just make it through the rest of the night without incident. 

Remus was watching the first couples to step onto the dance floor, the band having struck up a lively song, when Sirius stood before him, bowing, hand extended. “May I have the honour of you for my dance partner?”

“I haven’t had the posh education you have, Mr. Black. I will bugger this up beyond belief and make us both look the fool.”

“I promise, I dance well enough for the both of us to make it out unscathed.”

“So humble,” he joked, taking Sirius’ hand.

Sirius though, had not be exaggerating. His lead was easy to follow and Remus found his concern melting away as he allowed the other to lead him through the steps of one dance after another. They laughed and joked, and Sirius told horrid stories about the other occupants of the floor that Remus wasn’t sure whether or not to believe. Each was so outrageous, it could have been true. They had just paused to catch their breath, both from laughing and exertion, when a tall man with neat blond hair extended his hand to Sirius.

“Quite the busy man this evening, I’ve had to keep my eye on you all evening to try and request a dance.”

Sirius stood up straight, his laughter dying off as he smiled politely. “I’m really very flattered and sorry to disappoint, Msr. Fontaine, but I am rather enjoying dancing with my boyfriend and plan to continue doing so the remainder of the evening. And quite possibly every future evening.”

Remus felt his cheeks burn, but wasn’t entirely sure whether it was from Sirius’ words, or the look of judgement the man gave him, his eye brows raised in skepticism. “I thought you didn’t date, Mr. Black? You made that quite clear to me the last time we saw one another.”

A sturdy arm slipped around his waist and Remus melted into Sirius’ side, his own automatically resting on the other’s waist as well. “Sometimes, you find someone worth making an exception to your own rule.”

Looking away from the scowling man, Remus stared up in questioning wonder, Lily’s reminder that Sirius wasn’t _that_ good of an actor tickling the back of his mind. The sincerity of Sirius declaration was almost too much to be faked. He didn’t notice when the other man left, but found he didn’t care, because Sirius was smiling at him, softly, as if he were the only one in the room. His eyes slipped shut as lips brushed his temple, before they returned to their dance, albeit with less playful excitement, and more of something unnamed. Something tentative, teetering on the edge of an ineffable change. 

Remus swallowed, fighting past a nervous lump in his throat. “I don’t want this to end,” his voice was so low he worried Sirius wouldn’t hear him and he didn’t think he could find the bravery to repeat it.

Curiously, Sirius tilted his head. “The evening, you mean?”

Eyes darted between the grey ones regarding him. “No. No, I don’t.”

The hand at his lower back pulled him closer, bodies pressed against one another in something too passionate to rightly be a waltz. Nonetheless, Sirius continued to lead, saying nothing, but belatedly Remus realised he was leading them out one set of the many open doors and onto a balcony.

He didn’t release him, but they did slow to a sway rather than a dance. It felt like an eternity, but was most likely only a few breaths, before Sirius asked, “what do you mean then?”

Remus knew he needed to say this, that if he didn’t tonight, he never would. The feeling was hot under his skin, burning him everywhere Sirius touched him, until he had to pull away. He walked to the edge of the balcony, hands resting on the cool stone and taking several deep breaths before he turned back to Sirius, who was regarding him warily.

"Sirius you-" he swallowed thickly, trying to grasp the words that were a jumbled mess in his head and force them through his throat even though he felt like he might choke. "You're so wonderful,” his voice was heavy and desperate.

Sirius' face fell in disappointment, and Remus held up his hand to stop him from interrupting.

"You're wonderful and you deserve the world and I feel like I will never measure up. That I don't deserve to be at your side. And that everyone in the room is looking at us and wondering why you would bother with me when you could have anyone. I would tear the moon from the sky and give it to you if you asked. But I _can't_. Because I'm just Remus. I'm not a wizard or a superhero, I'm a teacher who's perpetually exhausted at the end of the day and never caught up on his grading and can't take proper care of a house plant because I’m a little bit of a disaster." He looked down, wringing his hands together and praying the tears wouldn't fall. "And the worst part is regardless of all of that, I still want you and am constantly jealous of people flirting with you. I have to remind myself that I don't get to feel jealous of the people who stare too long at you, or touch you, or get to spend time with you when I don't. That you're not actually mine, no matter how badly I want you to be. That this is temporary and feigned and that when you look at me like I'm something special and extraordinary, it's only for the benefit of others."

Heels clicked rapidly on the floor as the other man crossed the distance between them. Warm hands cradled Remus' cheeks, tilting them up to meet Sirius' intense gaze. "I could not fake that if I tried. I look at you like that because I am irrefutably, irrevocably in love with you, Remus Lupin. And I am terrified of it, because I have never felt like this before. I'm not looking for someone magical or superhuman, I wasn't even looking for someone at all. But I found you, and you are all that I want. This is all that I want." The soft pad of his thumb swiped away the traitorous tears that escaped Remus' eyes. "And I'm not sure what you see in me that has you thinking you don't deserve me, but I can only assume it's the same thing I see in you, that has me worried I'll bugger it all up and that you're better off without me and my baggage. Even still. I hope that you'll give me the chance to love you the way you deserve, because I promise I will try to, with everything I have."

Remus hardly let him finish before he was gripping him by the lapels and pulling him down into a heated kiss. Sirius' lips were even softer than he remembered, and he was eternally grateful that he was sober this time. "I love you, too," he murmured between kisses. "I don't know how I ever though I could make it through this trip without falling for you harder than I already had before. I took the opportunity selfishly, wanting to get to know you, and now you're stuck with me."

Smirking, Sirius pressed his lips to his jaw, slowing working his way up to Remus' ear, loving the way Remus shuddered against him. "James won't stop reminding me how often I stayed late at the cafe when my shift was over just to steal glances at you working. Wondering what you were reading. Wishing I could ask you your favourite book."

Fingers tangled in long hair as Remus tugged him back up, pulling Sirius' lower lip into his mouth and relishing the sharp intake of breath he received in response. He easily relinquished control when he felt his back hit the railing as Sirius' tongue pressed into his mouth. _Hot, hot, hot._ When they pulled back they were both gasping for breath as if they had been running, rather than pressed virtually unmoving and fully clothed against one another. Remus leaned down and ran his tongue over the pulse he could see hammering just below the skin.

"Wanted to ohhh- wanted to kiss you that day. Gods you looked incredible in that shop trying on this suit, and it's not any easier to keep my hands off you tonight. Wanted to press you against the wall and taste your lips, mark your neck so everyone knew you were mine."

Remus chuckled, running his teeth across that sharp jaw. "And I thought I was possessive. Fuck, I was so jealous of that guy flirting with you."

"Shoulda done something."

"You're not mine to chase others off from," he whispered against the warm skin.

Sirius was quiet and Remus pulled back, tilting his head back to look up at the other.

"I want to be. None of this has been fake for me, even if I've tried to tell myself it was." He tangled his finger is the hair at the back of Remus' neck, cradling his head. "Be my boyfriend. For real this time. I’m sorry for buggering it up in the first place asking for it to be fake, but please. Give me a chance, Remus."

He didn't bother hiding the shy smile that took over his face, and he was sure his expression was rather sappy. "Okay," he whispered, loving the way Sirius' eyes lit up. He went up on his tiptoes, pressing a small, chaste kiss to his boyfriend's lips, before he started giggling. "Yes, of course it's yes, but only if you'll be mine as well."

"Yes, of course," Sirius echoed, returning to kissing Remus slowly, pouring the warmth that was taking over his chest into the soft touch of lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. Thank you thank you for sticking with me, supporting, motivating, and inspiring me to finish this. I love and appreciate all of you and your wonderful comments, and look forward to hearing how you felt about the ending. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Also I've started the smut epilogue, so that's a thing~~


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